My angel,

I know my letters are long and never ending, I doubt you’ll ever see this one. That’s why I’m writing it here, I’m writing this one just for me. I don’t know how I can look myself in the mirror… I’ve hurt you and I’ve broken your trust…all because some jack ass sent me some rude messages from your phone saying he fucked you and I make you sad and you don’t love me, that you didn’t want to be here, because my mother told me you were probably trying to dump me and you were putting me on a shelf, all because I was stressed about money.

I know the reason you didn’t seem excited about the visit.. cause I kept fucking bugging you about it… Baby I was so excited and I just wanted to hold you more than anything. I wanted to see your smile, I wanted us to go canoeing, I wanted to play baseball with Hunter. I wanted to know that for the time you were here with me you were safe. I don’t know alot about relationships and I realize lately I acted less like a man and more like a child. We’ve been through the crap before. Each time we make up and something else happens. We’ve never broken up before though, came close but never until now.

Baby I don’t know what to tell you but I do know if you let me back in your life, if my prayers are answered, I will never allow my insecurities to tear us apart again. God baby, nothing has ever hurt this bad. I hurt because I know I hurt you. I struggle to find words when I talk to you because I want to try to be brief and its hard for me to be breif. I hurt because I broke your trust and I hurt because for us it ended. Now there is no us and I know it. I had the love of my life and I let my doubts and fear of the unknown steal her from me.

Now there’s no visits. no more days at the park, there’s no wedding, no baby, no phone calls, no snapchat, there’s nothing but anger, fear and uncertainty. I can’t go on feeling this way. I feel cut in half, I feel like my future has nothing but lonliness ahead. I could date again but I don’t want them. I want you, I knew since the first time I saw you you were meant for me. I know things can’t ever be the same but I have hope that they can actually be better because I actually learned this time. We can be stronger, please forgive me. Please take me back. I can’t see my world without you in it.

I wish I had been a grown up, I wish I had just kept my cool and listened to you. I with I had taken a minute to look into myself instead of reading advice columns and articles, talking to others and listening to them instead. I wante to ask you but I didnt want to have another bs phone call. My heart is in pieces, not because of anything you did but because of what I failed to do. Please God please allow her the strength and the mercy to take me back, allow us to grow old together, allow me to be the man she loves, not this loser who cries every night. We were so happy happy once. I’m a broken man. Please send me my angel…one last chance please… I’ll get right this time.