I don’t know why I still have the urge to pour out my heart to you. I know my damage bleeding heart doesn’t mean a damn thing to you. I can’t drown out the sounds of your lying tears, the pathetic moisture that absorbed into my skin as you pleaded for another chance. So much hurt and pain you have caused me and half of it I will spend the rest of my life healing from. When a girl falls in love with a boy, she puts her entire heart, soul and body into that love. She falls in love with the softness of his lips, the curves of his shoulders, she has that longing ache of wanting to see his smile, eyes, joy in his expressions. She moves heaven, earth and hell for him only for him, her love, my love.

I don’t know what to trust anymore my heart, mind or eyes cause the past year and a half have been a delusion. Since the day we met I have been fighting to keep you mine, fighting to wright the wrongs of your past, fighting the ghosts of your past girlfriends, hell fighting the demons inside of you. All for what!! You played with me like a snake toying with his fat rat. Before he sinks his poison into the veins of his helpless prey. Yes! That’s you a cold, heartless, egotical stupid snake. The way you use women for their bodies, mind and money is going to get you killed. I’ve never been so humiliated, drained,used, hurt damn I’m hurting deeply because of you. The man that said he loved me so much, the sick bastard that looked me in the eyes and said he will never let me go. What the fuxk am I going to do with the damn pictures we took at thanksgiving with my family, how the fuck am I going to get the smell of you out of my car, erase the lingering sensation of your fingertips on my stomach. Damn!!

What’s wrong with me?? You treated me like shit, so low down and cold but I stayed cause your soft wet lips would caress my ear as you whisper you were sorry and you are not perfect. Bitch, you had it so good, a good, loyal , beautiful woman doted after you loved you unconditionally and you didn’t appreciate her, didn’t realize her worth. I am a Queen a deserve a King. Not a old ass man trying to relic in his “golden days” because he doesn’t accept his reality. I made you into the man that your new girl loves she fell in love with what I molded you into. Tell her she can thank me later but it won’t last long cause you will die alone chasing after something that will never settle inside your bones, that’s peace. You have collected your jars of hearts and the utterly selfishness of conquests will never let you have redemption. I should have cheated on you gave you dose of your own medicine, show your bitch ass how it is done… But, that would lower me to your level and I am too smart for you.

Oh, sorry I’m using big words I know u always had trouble understanding what they mean, gives you quite the headache. You know I love you and will always hold the hope that you drown in your misery. I admit it I’m bitter and did some revengeful things buy I don’t care. I’ve cried so many tears for you that they are frozen in time and space. I feel numb, like a wounded solider back home from war. I still hear the sounds, feel the sensations, see the images replaying in my head and I can’t cut it can’t make it stop. But like that same hurt soldier my core is strong and I can overcome any obstacle and enemy. This day is hard for me to get through but guess what asshole my tomorrow will always be better than yours cause I am beautiful, strong and loved.