Dear D.E.R,

It’s been four years and I hope one day you get the chance to read this because I really think you should know how much it hurt. It hurt when you walked away,that moment just killed me. What kills me even more, is you gave me several chances to prove to you that I wasn’t going to mess it up and that we could be friends but I guess I failed you there.

I told you from the beginning I didn’t think I could be “friends” but I really tried and I may have slipped several times letting you know how much I loved you, but I thought you would get that, I thought you would realize that a part of me might always still love you. Of course, I guess I’m all around angry that you even broke up with me… I still wasn’t used to that. Actually, I just wanted you to understand and accept me for who I was.

The thing was, is that I was just so nervous around you–the butterflies came every time our eyes met and my heart even played drums each time you hugged me, and I really miss those hugs. I miss the way it felt to be embraced into your arms. I know you probably think that if I loved you I wouldn’t have fallen for my new boyfriend and you are right. There was one point I did/thought I loved you but I guess that ended once my rage and trying to get you jealous backfired and I got pregnant…things were totally different then.

Of course, it was easy to forget about me. It seemed you did it before I even had an actual chance. I’m just so mad at you for leaving me! Do you realize how much of a horrible impact it put on my self esteem? How much it felt to know that there were people out there who actually thought we had been together forever? I had to tell those people “no” but I would have enjoyed saying yes. I AM SO MAD, that you won’t even talk to me anymore. That you have completely, made me disappear.

I wanted you in my life, you were supposed to be my child’s Godfather, you should know I trusted you that much. The thing of it is, it is in the past and I should have already moved on but I can’t help but shake the feeling that something is missing. That maybe you took a part of me with you.

Still, I suppose it is over now and another one of these letters, which you probably will never see/read is a waste of my time and energy. I’m so sorry…I lost you…I made you disappear.

I hope your life, give you many wonders, that it will be filled with many adventures and that you’ll be happy in it.