Dear M,

We both know I never was good with words, but I felt somethings needed to be said. Lets face it, since we broke, 7mths ago up it’s been a fairly one-sided conversation from your part. So here it goes ……

FUCK OFF AND STOP CONTACTING ME!!

– Phew! That felt good.

How have you not gotten the message already? Two whatsapp messages, three facebook messages, all of a significant length might I add, and all of which remained unanswered from me. Add into that a facebook and snapchat unfriending and yet you still insist on contacting me. Why? Leave me alone. Please.

I know we broke up because of distance issues, but looking back I thank my lucky stars we did. You’re controlling M. You might not like to admit it, but you are. You need to know everything, and it’s too much. The year we were together was the most detrimental to my health that I’ve ever had. And to be honest I’m only just putting myself back together. I’m not saying you were the entire cause, but by God you didn’t help.

I can understand that knowing/ being friends with/ going out with someone with depression can be difficult. It’s hard enough for me to understand most days, so I don’t expect much more from those around me. But my friends are amazing. My family are brilliant. It’s been hell but I am so blessed with their support. You though. A different matter altogether.

I open up to you M. I bared my soul and told to you my darkest feeling and thoughts. And now you used it against me.

I could have dealt with even indifference from you. But instead all I got was abuse. Yes it is abuse. Your words were horrendous. To quote from your past messages; ‘shame’, ‘coward’, ‘deeply disappointing’, ‘You’ve cut off your hair, you’ve cut off me. I would ask what’s next, but the irony of asking a question is probably best avoided’ (I love my pixie hair cut by the way, and I would like to remind you that I donated my locks to charity. There is at least one young child with a wig because if it), ‘I’d say you messed up’, ‘it seems a bit self-defeating – and cowardly – from here’, ‘scared’ and ‘running away again’. Never once did your messages opening or contain any enquiry as to my wellbeing or communicated concern. What made you think I would want to see you again last week? What were you expecting sending me your departure details? A scene from ‘Brief Encounter’ at the train station?

To finish up, I no longer count you as a friend. A friend would never say those things to another. Instead I barely count you as human. Through your messages you have shown me your ignorance and true colours. Never again. When you return next year I would ask that you stay away and if we do bump into each other, please don;t bother to  acknowledge my existence, as I have no plan to do anything other than that.

E