I don’t know. I don’t want to know. But I do, love you. You gave me a joy in my heart that made me feel like a man. When I looked into those eyes of yours then, I still think of how lost I was in them with you. You were so magical, funny, caring, and free spirited. I loved you so passionately, yet I was so afraid. I had so much emotion, and such a strong desire to have you, it scared me. I never have felt as one with anyone else than I did with you. I’ve had a strong, hot, deep, lust for your body, and a gentle and patient heart I still carry waiting, desiring, anticipating, for you.

Still I see you on occasion in town, I see you drive by, I miss you. Your hair, a strawberry blonde, is your true hair color. Those goofy big ears, that made you seem so silly, and yet something drew me into you. Did you use me for practical purposes, or do you really love me too? I must still love you, to have dated others, and still a few years later, here I am writing to you. Crazy, just like you, just like me, just like this. I want you so much, then I question do I? I am lost still, in those eyes of yours, I am still lost. I feel a portion of my inner child has been pulled into you, I still feel my inner self somehow is with you.

At times I feel grateful for what I learned with you, what we did together. I want to stay, but Fate has it differently. Nothing mattered with you, except you to me. I felt such a surge of adrenaline as though I were to look, sit even at the edge of a cliff, or a high standing skyscraper, the excitement, and fear of just holding your hand, and feeling you. I have called once, as a wrong number to you, just to hear you say hello, and assure myself it was you, you are okay, and maybe glitter a jolt in your heart as a way to say hello to you too.

I have been crazy, and mad, and sad. Now I truly was and am always content with you. I did not want to control our lives or destinies, for the balance which is not in anyone on this earth to take in hand. I wonder is that what I tried to do, by taking yours that first night when watched those hot air balloons rise in the air, it was not the most perfect event, but you will always be one of the most perfect to me.

I might sound obsessed, but I let you go. I let you and asked you to do what you were passionate about. I wanted you to stay close with me, for that passion to be with me. But I watched you fling into your dreams that would push you into a far greater joy than you seemed to have with me. Your heart was too cheerful to contain for just me. I left you cheering for yourself, and your team, for in your heart you have a passion for success on your own, at least not with me. You were so wild and free, nothing could tame you, and my desires only fueled the fire within you more, that I had to let you fly. We once crossed paths, like the infinity symbol tattoo you have. When I think of infinity, and when I see that figure eight, I always think of you. However wild, or exciting, or gentle, my memory of us will be infinite.