Dear Ex Everything,
I should have told you, from the day we first met, that I was emotionally unavailable. That I needed to work out my issues first. That I was never going to be the person you wanted me to be. That something was always missing. That even though I’d catch a glimpse of what we could be, what I was feeling for you, that it didn’t feel like love. I should have walked away much sooner. I shouldn’t have let you convince me that we would work out. I should have known, from that very moment that we kissed, that I was going to hurt you. I’m sorry. I wish I could have been what you wanted me to be.
2 Comments
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That sort of thing can really damage a person. Short term, not so much. If it goes on for years, though, at that point, I would think of that as using someone for whatever benefit you gained. I hope you’ve resolved your issues, or only enter into relationships that don’t require feelings.
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This person whom you wish you could have been everything for, it sounds as if you were everything to him. If it was you who broke it off, then he clearly loved everything about you. He was willing to accept all of your little flaws, your imperfections, because that’s what caring for someone truly means. If you were emotionally unavailable, how could this person have been drawn to you? How could he have developed deep feelings for you? He evidently saw something so special in you. If you caught a glimpse of something you could have had, then the rest of it would have followed. You could have had everything with this person, but you didn’t allow yourself, whether it was because of fear or something else. I may be your recipient. I may just be in a similar scenario. Yet hear me out. If you hurt someone who loved you, who had genuine feelings for you, he will forgive you. But hurting someone else only hurts you. You will continue to hurt yourself until you feel so empty and hollow, because you will have pushed away the people who truly cared about you. The energy we give is the energy we receive. Love isn’t just one thing, one feeling, one act. It’s not defined by saying “I love you.” Love is so many things, so many feelings, so many thoughts, so many actions and inactions. You may not even know it, but the fact that you came here to make this statement shows that you clearly have genuine feelings for this person. If you wish to free yourself from the cycle that makes you so unhappy, embrace what this person offers you. Seek him out. Tell him how you feel. For the greatest of tragedies begins with “If only…”
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