I don’t get it, I’m still not sure what happened, everything seemed to have unraveled so fast.

A month before Christmas you declare your undying love for me and two months later you tell me you are moving home. I really can’t grasp what was going through your head. What happened?

Is it because I was ready to move forward and start planning for the long term?
Could this have all started out because I wanted to look at your books? It broke my heart knowing that you were not financially healthy but I was there to help, to get you back on your feet. You cried in my arms because you did not have enough money to pay for gas. I didn’t expect an immediate turn around but at least an acknowledgement that you could help yourself. I was your partner, I paid 100% of the rent, took care of the dog, made sure you had food and a roof over your head and a home to go and the support for your studies but that wasn’t enough was it? I didn’t take you out to dinners anymore, nagged you to put the laundry that I washed and folded away, nagged you to clean our house and didn’t buy you gifts with the money that I did not have.

Thanks for the 300$ watch you paid on credit by the way, it’s exactly what I didn’t want you to do. Too bad it gone to waste though since it broke after a month of use and you still haven’t returned it. Could have saved yourself 300$ and the overdraft fee you took to buy this. My Timex still works btw.

Maybe you never loved me, maybe I was naive and too in love with the dream of us to see the clues. This would explain the puzzled look in your face when you told me you were going home and I called your bluff. Who leaves someone because they don’t let them spend irresponsibly? “Carpe Diem,” “I want to enjoy life now” “What if I died tomorrow?” “YOLO” you said, well what happens when you don’t die tomorrow? What happens if you live a long long life under crushing debt? Do new clothes get you long term fulfillment? Will one fancy dinner feed you for the week?

I guess I do know what happened after-all.

“When I feel better about myself I’ll move back in, it’s okay if you see other people” Right, because I’m a sucker and I’ll sit by idly while you do whatever you want. This is totally fair. NOT. This, barely three months after you declared your undying love for me, all this because I wanted you to be responsible financially.

And guess what? I waited 9 miserable lonely months, thinking about you, thinking about the good times, looking at all the things you have left behind. Looking at my place which seems like a mausoleum to what was once us. Most of your clothes are still here, our pictures are turned faced down but are still here, the dogs things are still here.

I’m not giving in, I’m going to move on. I still believe I was fair. I’ll take your offer and will see somebody else. We had good times and they’ll be with me as long as I live and I plan to live very long. It’s just that you won’t be there by my side.