Vance,
Where do I start? I’m not doing well, and I’ll be honest, most of it is because of you. You’ve already moved on, and that’s fine. It really is. You deserve to be happy, and if she makes you happy, that’s great. The thing that makes this so hard for me is that you couldn’t even wait a month to find someone new. Not only that, but you couldn’t even tell me yourself. She had to. I feel so stupid for getting my hopes up, thinking I could get you back. I didn’t even know you were talking to someone new. I had my suspicions, but I guess I didn’t want to believe it. Not that I want to question your current relationship, but it’s terribly hard for me to believe that you got over me that quickly. I’m no where close to being over you. I thought you were going to be it for me, and you told me countless times that you felt the same. It’s going to take me ages to get over you, but it only took you a few weeks.
I’m just now at the point where I can see you and not feel like curling up and crying. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I eventually see the two of you together; but, that’s okay. I know eventually I’ll get over this. I’ll find someone new, someone different. In the meantime, I’ll learn something I don’t think you ever will – to be alone. Not only to be alone but to be alone and be okay with it.
The hardest part of it all now is that I can’t even talk to you about it. There are so many things I want to tell you, so many questions I need to ask. But it’s too late now. I can’t say any of it to you now that you’re dating her, I respect her too much to intrude. I keep trying to think of scenarios in which I get the chance to just briefly say something to you. The one question I want to ask more than anything is – Why didn’t you fight for me? Even a little bit? We decided to take a break. I even told you I didn’t think we were done for good. If you woke up the next day and decided you thought we were, you could have had the decency to tell me. I was waiting for you. A simple text would have saved me a lot of tears and frustration. If you did want me back, which I can only assume you didn’t, it wouldn’t have been hard. One conversation and I would’ve been yours again. You haven’t even picked up your things from me and you already have someone new.
It’s not hard for me to forget about you sometimes. The saying is true – “Out of sight; out of mind.” Every once and a while, though, I see you at dinner, or from across a busy street and I feel sick. It all comes rushing back and I have this unsettling urge to run up and grab your hand and tell you about my day, but she’s the one who gets to do that now.
I guess what I want to say is, good luck. Good luck getting over your jealousy issues. Good luck trying to control someone who is much stronger than I was (maybe she’ll be good for you). Good luck, because you’ll need it. You didn’t deserve me, and you certainly don’t deserve her.
-E