J.

I saw you. face to face, after 2 years. after days and weeks thinking about you, i saw you.

i can’t tell you what it felt like to see you after all that time. i can’t tell you what it was like to look in those eyes. those very very blue eyes.

i can’t tell you how much i want you again. i’d give anything right now just to be held once more. or even for just a hug of yours..you chose other people over me. that was the day i finally realized that i wasn’t good enough. no matter how many times you would tell me i was enough but you just didn’t want to hurt me.. i wasn’t enough.. because you wouldn’t have chose so many people over me. and if i was good enough, i wouldn’t be hurting right now. after 2 years.

you will never know what its like to not be good enough for someone you truly want. you will never know how awful i feel that i will never and was never enough for you when thats all i wanted. you will never know how bad it hurt to see you, because i won’t tell you. i won’t tell you i still hurt every night. i won’t tell you all the tears, nights, and lonely nights I’ve spent on you. you dont need to know that.

i hope when you saw me, every terrible thing you did to me went through your mind. i hope every single time you chose someone over me went through your head. i hope seeing me broke your heart. i hope you feel like i do about this. i hope you hurt like i am. i hope you laid in bed that night, thinking about what you shouldn’t have left. i hope you saw every single beautiful thing about me.
then,
i hope you still love me. i hope you think about times we could’ve had together, i hope you think about what we could’ve been for each other.

i hope seeing me hurt you so so bad..

and i hope to breaks your heart in the most sweetest way.

♡ k