It’s been almost two years since we broke up. I know there’s no way you’ll ever see this letter and if you do you won’t recognize the fact that it’s me. I haven’t seen you since graduation and let alone actually had a conversation longer than two minutes for almost two years. I miss you and I don’t understand why. I know for a fact you don’t think about me ever. You were my first love. I’ve questioned if I loved you or it so many times and in the beginning it was easy to denay it because it made me feel weeks that I loved someone with my entire being and he just didn’t. How could I be so stupid. I lied to myself about the cheating. About your feelings. I didn’t want to loose you. I still check in your social media sometimes. I just want to know why me. Why stay with me if you were going to cheat on me so many times with so many girls. And always give me the hope when you came back. You absolutely ruined me and it makes me hate myself to admit that. I am so terrified of loving someone again all I want is someone to love me and then I want to leave them. I want to hurt them. It takes away some of my pain temporarily. I know your not allti blame after all I did let myself get like this but I just want you to know that I would have loved you still. When you left you literally ripped my heart out. I could eat or sleep for days . We had magic. I just want to be myself again before the pain I want to be able to have feelings for someone and not end up HIRING them. I hate you but I love you