Dear Marc,

You broke my heart – in the cruelest way you knew how.

You wielded your knife into my chest and tore out my steadily beating 17 year old heart and broke it into a million little pieces.

But – I thank you for doing so. I thank you for the sleepless nights filled with tears, dazed confusion, anger and self doubt.

Why? Because I know I would’ve never done something like that to you. So knowing that you had the audacity to leave me with zero respect – tells me that you never really cared about me or the relationship that we cultivated.

Maybe it didn’t matter to you because over half of our relationship you were high on marijuana and who knows what else? Maybe it didn’t matter to you because I wasn’t the only man in your life? Lets just be real, there are a thousand explanations but they will always just sound like simple excuses to me and my broken heart.

Look – anyone who knows me knows that I’m a realist and I understand that shit happens and we lose feelings, lose drive and lose connection to people. That doesn’t mean our response to shit happening is to treat someone who loves us like shit – but I guess the rules are different for you. But now as I am typing this and truly thinking about it… you always treated me like shit so why would I expect anything different from you?

The way you left me – showing up at my house, 11 blocks away from yours (listen to the song 11 blocks by the artist Wrabel when you have a chance), demanding your things back, giving me no explanation to why you were leaving. Maybe it was because after almost a year of being together you didn’t think I deserved an explanation from you. You certainly made it clear through not only our breakup but throughout our entire relationship that I didn’t “measure up” to you in multiple avenues. So like I have said before I’m not quite sure why I expected this to be different – because it wasn’t. I wish that was all that was to our breakup story (yes, I know it’s not a story in your head but something you laugh at, but you meant something to me so when you left me – that meant something to me too) but we both know that was only the beginning of the end. [I know you’re probably laughing at this letter right now but right now I’m to angry at you to fix all of my run on sentences and other grammatical errors for you! I might as well make this letter as flawed and unedited as my personality and body – because I know how much you hate that].

So what happened next? You’ve probably forgotten, so I’ll remind you. After forcing me to hand over your belongings while I was still begging for an explanation, you told me you kissed another guy. While you had previous serious infidelities, my heart still sunk. You later told me that was a lie and you only said it since I was demanding an explanation. Kind of a cruel lie right? But that wasn’t the hardest ball you’ve thrown at me. Let’s fast-forward a few minutes here with me chasing you down the street (the second time I had to do this.. wow now I sound like a stalker on paper!) to your car where you told me that you loved me but “that something just wasn’t quite right” (if any of you have a Comcast TV this maybe familiar because it’s the same PC bullshit error message that comes up at 3 AM when you’re high and trying to watch Grey’s Anatomy) anyways, I kissed your lips and you told me you were sorry and drove off in your mom’s Lexus (because you were 22 and didn’t have a car or a license).

It’s hard to realize that the last two paragraphs were only the very tip of the iceberg that flipped my life like a 360°. However my Starbucks Coffee is half empty right now so we better get to the rest of the story.

I guess you weren’t fully over me yet because you came back to me. Like you always did before, but this was the last time you came back. You apologized again and made me fall for your genuine-when-I-want-something voice and we decided that we needed some time apart and would reevaluate after a week or so. Did that ever happen? Nope you just disappeared and told me to fuck off a week and half later – when we we’re supposed to see each other again. It’s still heartbreaking that we each had different end games/motives for that week and half. I woke up every day missing you and wanting to be in your arms again but I gave you your space. You woke up every day trying to get over me so you could move on with your life (which anyway you put it – was and is much better than mine).

I think I’m done ranting now. I could go on about how you planned to drive two hours to Colorado Springs to rent a hotel room and have sex with a 15 year old boy who you had been flirting with, talking dirty with and sending pictures to (and probably receiving as well.. which is a crime in almost every state… but moving on), I could talk about the time when I found Grindr (gay sexual encounter app) and Tinder on your phone and brought it up to you and have you proceed to have you turn it around on me and tell me everything that was wrong with me (kind of like how Donald Trump dodged questions in the 2016 Presidential debates and just attacked Hillary Clinton on her insecurities [yes I did just compare you to fucking Donald Trump]). By the way, how was that last sentence for a run on? I’m sure my Harvard professors would cringe if they saw this letter!

I’m moving on with my life even though I don’t exactly have a plan in mind of what I’m going to do next. But what I do know is that I have a path ahead of me and I plan to capitalize every minute of it.

It’s still takes every ounce of blood in my body to wake up everyday and get over you but I’m getting there and I wish you the best in all that you accomplish in life.

I started this letter off – thanking you for breaking my heart. I want to close this extended note to you saying that because you filled my past couple of months of tears, reckless highs, anger and self-doubt I now have strength, composure and self-confidence because I was able to climb up and out of hell’s one of darkest holes by myself that you threw me in.

Sincerely,

Jordan