Since you broke up with me by email last week, I have created a lot of new names for you, McShitface, and I am writing this letter, regretfully due to your absolute lack of respect, compassion and common decency. You have pissed all over what we had, purely because your life is a mess full of lies. You respect no one and never will. You live in a bubble and destroy everything good that you receive probably because you are full of fear. Fear that you’re not good enough, not achieving enough, fear that you’ll fuck up, fear that your children won’t respect you, fear that whoever you’re with will find someone else and cheat on you like you do to everyone else. You have no faith in the world or anyone else’s accomplishments, I was never good enough and I imagine it’s because you never feel good enough. But you had the ridiculous cheek to say you want a relationship that gives you peace. Try treating the world with respect and see what happens, you may be pleasantly surprised how that creates peace. I am grateful for two things, that you made me aware of just how fucked up you are and that we are over. I am free and that is good for me. You are a miserable bastard who did in fact cause me much unhappiness with sly comments and negativity. You made me feel a weird mix of loved and insignificant to the end. Yes, I will achieve in life and be happy because I already am. In fact as soon as you sent me an email, my life got better, instantly like you’ve been holding me back. Can you remember your email? Let me refresh your memory, it included “I know it isn’t respectful or acceptable to call a halt to a relationship by email but I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking” oh and “I feel like I may be leading you on and I have been feeling some guilt for that.” Remember that email? Maybe you had your fridge write it, that would make sense because it was cold and full of crap. No it’s not fucking acceptable to be in a relationship and finish by email after almost 6 months, you’re 49 so should know better and I’m not your fucking broadband contract. I don’t have a list of terms and conditions stating that if you don’t quit before 6 months are up your contract will be renewed. But even cancelling broadband would merit a phone call. You sir are a miserable fucker and if you still feel that I wasn’t prepared to squeeze your balls hard enough for your liking – feel free to ask again now. I will happily direct my rage.

Regretfully ever yours,
E___
PS, I’ll put the condom stash that you left at mine to good use