Hey,
It’s been a few months and I’m slowly coming to terms with letting go. It’s been really hard, I was in denial about separating and many times I’ve wanted to give up but somewhere in me I agree with you, that maybe all this is for the best.
Our time together was full of ups and downs, with few moments of stability in between. To be honest, I don’t think you were ever committed to making us work even though you loved me. I don’t think I was either even though at the time I believed I was. But human beings are not perfect and we’re driven by many things; fear, doubt, commitment etc. not only a lack of love. Clarity always comes in retrospect.
We are different people and deep down we never thought we would get as far as we did. No one thought we would either, they always asked me If ‘we were really together’ and I always wondered why it felt like everyone but me didn’t believe in us.. Maybe that was a red flag
Our short relationship was turbulent. Heart breaking at times and happy at times, so much so that for a few moments I allowed myself to believe you were my future. I believed our problems were the complexities of love and life J, that we would face them and move forward. We didn’t though, we took it as a sign of our glaring incompatibility and we made a choice to throw in the towel.
Missing you comes in waves which subside then re-surface, like most people here I suppose. I don’t doubt in our capacity to forge on with life, I have to. ‘Can’t cry over spilled water’ but now that a new phase begins for me and you all I always say to you is I wish you well.
Our love was complicated, as love often is but It was real and you were special to me too.
Forgive me as I try to forgive you and leave me in your past as I try to leave you in mine as heart breaking as our separation still is.
All the best.
Tc J.
3 Comments
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If A……talk to me. You walked away.
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J.
In the beginning our love was so damn strong and real, people just felt it in us. Somewhere in the past 5 years you drifted so far awAy, and were filled with hate and anger towards me. I just thought, this too shall pass, but Dear Lord it just got worse. I gained weight and became so depressed I didn’t want to leave house. The name calling, belittling, alwAys treating me with every aspect of my life….Then our kids????
I don’t know how you are, I only know thAt I loved so you damn much that. Love blinded me to you simply walking away from me….My Beat Friend, My soul mate…I thought we would grow old together. That one day you would have come to me with your countless affairs and we would have worked it out because I know our marriage has tough…But we were tougher. But you saw that the grass was greener on the next town over and ran for it. But why did you take me to the beach, but me that ring abd then just leave weeks later???? I’m done trying to figure this life lesson out. I fell to my knees and didn’t think I was ginna get up…I looked around and no one was really truly there to get me and my pain . I barfed and had many many breakdowns that I won’t ever tell anyone about. You killed me…You killed us…and our babies.
I hope she was worth it, I know look at you with different eyes and my love was so damn strong for you, that it is slowly slowly going away. You and her made sure of that on Christmas Eve….kids will never be the same. .EVER. I can’t. accept the wag you did me. but I see all your friends and family support you cause they hate me. ….??You made sure of that. Telling them all lies and nasty shit I did not do. You have to live with yourself, I have to live alone and broken and probably will be this way for a very long time., cor I trust no one, can’t make new friends, I’m not there 100% yet. But I will have the strength to move on, just need more time . I love you still, always, always will. Not a day goes buy I don’t think of you. But my love is stronger than yours ever was, so I can let this go and wish you only the best live ever, for that is truly why we all here. Sorry for all this . I really am.
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🙁
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