Mr R,

I’m sorry I didn’t make you happy. I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough. I tried my best, in fact I thought I succeeded. But the fact that you left is proof that all I did wasn’t enough. Without reservations, I gave you everything I had to give – all my love, trust, I shared every inch of my life with you, I shared all I had with you. Unfortunately, I have nothing better to offer. & because I want you to be happy and I want you to feel loved, I have to let you go. And hope and pray that you find what fits, what makes sense to you, what you deserve, what feels like home to you. You felt like home to me. & because of that, I don’t have words to express how much I want the best for you.

Maybe I loved you in circles but you needed squares. Maybe I apologised in triangles but you understood rectangles. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never knew such an honest mistake could rip my heart from me. But now I know. Sometimes you learn the hard way. & you needed to hurt me. & I hurt. There were days when it was hard to breathe, to get up in the morning, to sleep at night, to eat, to laugh, to face people. But more than anything, it was hard to understand. Why. How. I lost you. But I prayed and prayed. God’s will must prevail. Maybe you were never mine. Maybe all we were ever destined to have with each other was a very short season. But because that season was so beautiful, I still thank God for you. Really, I wish you well. I pray you find love and happiness, I pray for your success, I pray for you to reach your dreams.

You know what I miss the most? Sharing my life with you. I miss my instant best friend. I miss supporting you, holding your hand through the ups and downs of life. & so I worry about you. Hoping you have someone to talk to. Hoping you have plenty of wind beneath your wings. And I wish with all my heart you could see how special you are, that you see yourself through my eyes. Then maybe you’d understand why I fought so hard for you. I’ve never known a more beautiful heart. Underneath all the toughness you portray, you have the most beautiful soul. & I’m sorry that you’re too broken to see it. & so I pray for your healing. For things I don’t know or understand that crushed you before me. All I ever wanted to do was to grow love in all your hurt places, and show you that loving and trusting again would be worth it. So so sorry I let you down. I love you. I miss you. I wish you well.

Noss

PS: Be good, yeah.