I'll be seeing you - Letter To My Ex

I’ll be seeing you

Posted by Anastasia in letters, What I wish I'd told you

LTME-post So quickly, it seems, you entered and exited my life and I can’t believe that you’re actually gone. “Be careful what you wish for” is something I must remind myself of every second since you left. In the heat of the argument surely I did wish you would go but the shock when it happened was devastating and not something I was prepared for. This shook my world and I would do anything to get you back. All the little things that bothered me before seem so insignificant now and they torment me. Why was I so awful to you? But you were just like me even if you didn’t care to admit it. That’s why we Butt heads. We fought and we made up and that’s all it was in the end. But I promise you I can be different. I would be different for you. I loved being in a relationship with you. I love every piece of you. I love loving you. I don’t know how to ever stop loving you or if I ever will. I thought we were soul mates and I can’t turn away from that kind of love. We made it through distance across provinces but we failed the ultimate test of being together despite all of my longing to have you near. I can’t bear the idea of you being so far away again. I missed my only chance. When will I wake up from this nightmare summer. I will never forget slow dancing in the streets with you. You are my forever love, my Taurus, my soul mate. I’m so sorry for everything and I’ll be seeing you.

-S.

About Anastasia

1 Comment

Sam 7 years ago
Reply

Hi Stacia,

I know it’s not the Stacia to whom I want to speak, but I’ll say it anyway. I love you. I miss you. I know you’re happy now with your new life and your house. I know, deep down, you love me and miss me just like I love you and miss you too.

But we had five years to try and figure it out. By the end of our relationship, I didn’t have anything left to give you. If my heart could have found a way to make it work, I would have given anything to have it happen. We failed, because we lost our respect for each other.

We can’t go back. All the love in the world can’t fix the ways we hurt each other. There is no place on this earth where you see me as a man equal to other men, and, I can never go back and undo the cheating. I love you.

If we did get back together, we’d just find deeper ways to hurt each other. It would be good for a little while, but slowly, the same old jelousies, the same fights, the same basic lack of respect would condemn us to resenting and wounding each other.

I love you. I miss you every day. It doesn’t matter where I am, I wish I could hear your voice and have you say my name. But, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me and treat me as an equal as fully capable, fully human, and fully aware.

So, I live my life, the best I can. Slowly learning how to be. Slowly rebuilding my pride and my self respect. I still love you. I always will. I just have to put those feelings on a shelf, because, the basic misunderstanding will always be between us: I see you as a bully and you see me as someone who can’t even cross the street and dress himself properly, and as long as we see each other this way we can never be.

Please forgive me for the pain I caused you and for the years you wasted. Go with God, and know that I pray for you every time I think of you. My heart is yours, and even if someone else finds a home there, you will always have a room.

Be well.