My Dear Beloved Saemi,

How long has it been since you were in my life? No, no. How long since I was in yours? You have always been in my since the day we met.

2nd July, 2008 was the day we met. And on that day of year 2010 we had our biggest fight. The day I knew I had lost you. I knew I had made all the wrong decisions. I knew I should have stopped and stepped back a little. But what did I do? I pushed you further away from me.

Since then our relationship was never the same. You never smiled. You never laughed. You would pick up the call but we would not talk for which felt like hours. You did not want to be with me. You could not bear my company anymore. And so you said, “I am done with you. No more shall I honor our pact. Nor am I insane to agree to live with you ever. What for? To ruin my life? No. No. Never.”

Aheh. How time flies. Just yesterday this happened and now it’s 8 years later. 10 since we met. 4 times the number we were together.

But today, I am not here to talk about all of that. I will not discuss what happened in the past. For I cannot change the past.

This Halloween, when I saw you with that guy with his arm around your waist, it broke my heart. No. No. That you broke about a decade ago. Now, you broke what was left of it. Those little shards, you spared not. I cannot explain my emotions. I have no words.

That day, I let go of you. No, not in traditional sense. I still and will always love you. You will always be part of my heart. But I will never ever try to approach you for apology or whatever. You will never hear from me again. I know you will be happy. You will celebrate. Go ahead. Even thinking about that gives me heartburns. What have I done? I have made the one girl I loved the most in my life hate me so much that she wishes me dead? How could I go so wrong and never turn?

Alas, I shall not get another chance. For I do not deserve it. When all that has happened to the man is his and his alone fault, who shall he blame then? Himself.

I know I made mistakes. Just remember. I never cheated on you. I never hurt you because I wanted to. No. I know I had no right to direct your life story. I didn’t want to manipulate you. No. No. It was not supposed to come off as such. It was never am attempt at that. I am sorry.

May GOD have us together in heaven forever and ever. I will await you there. I know I cannot be with you in this world so I will pray to be with you in the next world. The day when no one will recognize each other, I know I will recognize you. To make sure of that, I will send forward a lot in your name. That which when you see, you will realize how much I loved you.

I hope then that day you shall forgive me and love me as much as I love you. Or more.

Yours,
Golu.