I loved you and wanted us to work so dearly. you left me unexpectedly and told me it was “to focus on yourself” because you’re “not ready for a relationship”. so imagine my pain when i find out you messaged other girls as little as two days later, telling them you’ve been single for months and want to find the one – because your last relationship was a “mistake”.

One day you’ll realise that the ‘perfect’ relationship you always asked me for doesn’t exist, and you’ll realise that i made a lot of sacrifices for you. that’s not something you just find on tinder two days or two weeks later. i’m just sorry that it takes me to write down things like this to get it into your head. you might think our relationship is forgettable and was unhappy and doesn’t take long getting over, but i still exist and i’m still really really hurt. you never once expressed that you were unhappy either, you just disappeared. 

If you ever had an ounce of care for me you’d realise that leaving someone feel as worthless and confused as this while you swan off looking for the one is not properly dealing with things, especially when i thought i WAS the one. the fact that i feel physically sick at the thought of having to learn to love someone all over again when they can just leave at any moment like you did proves to us both that  i loved you more than i knew i could love anyone. and i can walk away from this with my head high knowing i never lied to you about that and i stayed true to both you and myself throughout. 

By the look of things you’ve already well and truly walked away. but you walked away from a girl who was ready to give you the world and now you just have strangers. they’ll fill your time, and i’m only sorry for myself that you have more energy for people you don’t know than you did for your own girlfriend. but if i truly did nothing wrong to you, you’ll soon see that your unhappiness wasn’t associated with our relationship at all and that being in a new relationship changes nothing either. i don’t know how many girls it’ll take you to realise that, but one day i hope you do. it might even make some of this a tiny bit worth it. 

You know as well as anyone it took a long time for me to trust a boy with my whole body and feel confident in myself. we built up that trust and confidence together and when you left, 14th May, you took it all away with you. i blamed myself for so long, but that stops today. if you can be honest with yourself and honest to strangers on the internet about how you feel now, i think you at least owe it to me to finally be honest with me about it. you probably won’t, but that’s part of being mature about things like this. again one day you’ll realise, and even after all of this, i truly hope no one makes you feel the same way you’ve made me feel.

I may not have much confidence and i may now have to fix myself for a really long time before i can trust people again, but i need you to try and see this from my point of view. your actions hurt people. 

Like i said, this was all very real for me so unfortunately i will always love you. i know you don’t want to speak to me, but one day if you do realise how this situation looks from my point of view, or if you learn to accept the hurt you caused rather than ignore it, i’ll be here to answer any questions you have and i’ll always be civil. 

You may be on tinder for now, filling your time with anyone who’s not me, probably adamant that you’ve grown up and you know you now want a proper relationship. but i needed you to know this all from my point of view, because you can ignore my messages all you like but i need you to hear it even just once. 

This was the most long winded goodbye we’ll both hopefully ever have to face. it needed to happen though. i could never happily walk away without you knowing how your actions make people feel – even if you don’t believe me. i’m not trying to make you feel bad, because i know you don’t. i don’t know what the future holds for me now, i thought it was you but i guess i was wrong. best of luck with everything. and please, try and take in what i’ve said. i know it only sounds like i’m blaming you but nothing in this letter is a lie or exaggeration and the sooner you realise that the sooner we can both be at peace. 

I really am always here