I don’t understand! 

Why and the fuck do you cross my mind so often. We both know it will never work! The way we are together is they craziest feeling in the world… butterflies.. can’t eat… can’t sleep… nervous.  You are the only person in the entire world that has ever made me feel that way! But we just suck at being together. I pictured a big beautiful blended family! I got that big SUV, but it was for me and the kids. I wish things could have been different because I’ll always feel like a piece of me is missing because I’m not with you!

Things could have been so different if we just took time to work on both of our downfalls instead of just leaving.  Every time I left you never tried to stop me… you would just run off with someone else…. I wanted someone to fight for me! I wanted you to fight for me!!!! Every movie every story always says if he wants you.  he will fight for you… I guess i was just a big ol bag of shit. You never emailed me, texted me nothing. I’m better then that!!!!! So much better.  

I guess this is the way life is suppose to pan out.  I’m back with the kids’ dad, and I’m happy and I do love him, but it’s so different.  It’s not that notebook kind of love… I know it’s just fictional and not real, but the way we felt about each other was just intense and something I’ve never experienced.  Obviously it was only one sided… I’m okay with that now! I always check to see if I have an email.. but nope. Like I said a big ol bag of shit.  I hope you and your kids are happy now, and I hope she’s the one. Since you did never stop talking to her, hope the bully is good as well and you’re happy.  If we never were to cross paths again.  Thank you! Thank you for being my first love, and thank you for coming back into my adult life and giving it another shot! Take care of yourself. 

Love always Anonymous

If you ever were to read this you’ll know it’s about you!