In three days, I would have been married to you for 25 years. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather celebrate with than you. It won’t happen though, because you’re with someone else and moved on. I’m sure you’re happy now, because I know you stayed with her. She deserves you and you deserve her, because you should be happy.

I never forgave myself for ruining the marriage. I was so selfish, immature, undeserving, a liar, betrayer and not worthy of you. You have no idea how many times I’ve replayed a do-over in my mind. Selfishly, I always hoped you’d contact me and want to try again. That’s why things like that are considered a fantasy.

At times, I hear these stories of couples who went through the same issue and worked it out. They got a second chance, yet, I didn’t. Yes, I know, I didn’t deserve a second chance. Anyone in your position would have done the same thing and walked away. You did the right thing.

I know you’ll never see this, but I still feel the need to tell you that I’m SOOO sorry. You have no idea of the regret I live with, even 20 years later. The regret, the immense sadness, the fact I have never found anyone like you again, the hole in my heart and the constant reminder of my mistakes should be known. I never forgot or forget. It’s like I have been punished mentally and emotionally every day for 20 years. I won’t forgive myself, because I don’t deserve it.

I wish I had another chance. I wish you knew how sorry I was. I wish you knew how much I miss you and wish we were together. Nothing has ever been the same. I did it to myself.

I’ll remember the anniversary in 3 days. I’ll mentally celebrate the best day of my life. It’s all I have left of you.