Do you miss me? 
Did you cried until you couldn’t breathe?
Did our material gifts with a lot of memories of our first times were trashed? ​
Did it hurt you when you left without seeing me for the last time? 
Did you enjoyed posting a status of your departure to your dream country and then deleting it because your target saw it? 
I didn’t. 
I really wish with all my heart that you come back to me and realizing you made a mistake.
But deep in my broken heart, I know you wouldn’t.
You love more Japan than you ever loved me.
I’m jealous, for a country, it’s stupid…
She doesn’t have feelings, she doesn’t kiss you. Does she laugh? Does she makes you complete?
I hope so. But I also know, that you don’t love yourself and you always will search for something to complete you. Maybe you’ll find a Japanese girl it would be easy, you’re foreigner… but you’ll ask yourself 
Can I do this crazy thing with her? Does she likes cotton candy ice cream? Does she’ll take me from reality and then understand me with all her heart? Can we… ?
I also know that you’ll pause yourself, and remember, she’s not her… but either way, you’ll do all the things you promised me in our relationship.  Because you’ll miss me… but still, I don’t know… If we could with our long distance relationship, why did you have your doubts about me? Just because you lost your old good lifestyle coming back here cause covid , and you didn’t stand that I earned less than you so we can have a life… in Japan…. again her… You know? People achieve, grow, search excellence in their own times. You wanted fast.
Either way, your shouldn’t have treated me badly with your cold attitude. Your bad experiences, the jealously of your friends, your mother, they didn’t help too. We really got to know each other, if I ever see you again, I’ll fell so naked. Why did you let that communication disappear? Why didn’t you saw the good things I see in you? Even I hate myself because I want you to be ok and you don’t give a @^#(× . My head knows you’re a coward for all the times you wanted to say something and you shut yourself. Selfish for all your 1st person thinking. Pessimistic for no searching for options and giving all up.  Someday you’ll realize that a relationship is between 2, a team and stays in good and bad moments. 
But if you don’t forgive yourself for the bad memories and accept that life is a b!&$< and you still give your best and be better person… you’ll always feel alone, that something’s missing. I was the one who filled that loneliness up. We know that we’re each other loves of their lives. you said one time to me… I have everything here, but you’re not here now, why does it matter? 
I don’t know what to say anymore…
I just hope that you man up and realize this was a mistake and you become a better version of yourself. Let’s just hope it’s not too late. I really want to be happy. I know what I want and I don’t want this again. I will miss our first year together. It was the best. But for me to heal, I need to throw it all in the ocean where it all started…