I know it’s been hardly any time since you said it’s over, but i really think i took you for granted while i had you. i chose not to play mini golf with you and to not help our clan, i chose to go to sleep one night during our conversations, i chose not to tell you how certain things made me feel, i chose not to reassure everything i told you like i once did. 

And now you’ve chosen to let me go. i’m sorry. i really am. i really do love you. i really do care about you. you told me something i would do wrong and i put my everything into doing that right for you. i would turn my ringer on when i would play a game or watch a show just to respond to you. i would take fit pictures in the school bathrooms when i didn’t have time to at home. i would smell your perfume sprayed hoodies and stuffed animal every single day. i truly do care about you, even if you think i don’t. i’m still here for you. i think about how if i just responded to this a little bit differently if everything would’ve been better. i still would be willing to drive hours and hours just to see you for five minutes. i still am wishing to bike hours to get to you whenever your upset to hold you in my arms. 

I’m gonna miss you. i miss your voice. i miss you beautiful eyes i could get lost in. i miss your perfectly made soft lips, i miss your smooth hair that always got so tangled around me. i miss your smell, the smell of your body, the smell of your perfume, the smell of you. i miss your affirmation, i miss your notes, i miss buying you flowers and seeing your face light up. i miss your gorgeous smile. i just miss you.  

Yet now, i feel awful, but i still feel i could go through this pain forever. and it would still have been worth it. you don’t understand. your my first love. those 7 months were the greatest months of my life. all i want now, is for my arms to be around you with your arms around me, i want to hear your voice, i want to hear you tell me you love me. it’s all i could wish for. yet im stuck here now, alone, riding bikes to distract myself, writing this note to you that you wont read. 

I don’t really know if you care much anymore, but your wish the day before you left, saying “i wish a boy would cry over me”. you got your wish now. you have me in tears now and i know they won’t be going away. i miss you. i need you ml. please. i’m trying to work on myself just please give me another chance to show you i won’t ever take someone as sweet and kind and loving as you for granted. but here i am, by myself, in this bed you always talked about how you wished you could be here with me every night. and i just wish that could be true now more than ever. but until we can try again or if we end up separate for good, i wish you nothing but the greatest. i wish someone who will love you harder than i ever did will come to you soon. i wish the you get the job you want at camp bow wow and i hope it’ll be the greatest job you’ve ever had. i wish you the greatest future anyone could have. i just also wish i could be apart of it. just know, i love you forever. and here’s a corny little poem i wrote. 

It really is a shame. I loved you hard i thought we’d have the same name. But i guess someone else gets to claim you now. maybe we could retry it in a little less than a year or though. i think we could work on ourselves, let’s just take it slow. Once we do that let’s come back and show how bright we can glow. But until then, i love you so.