We were friends before online. You were married. I didn’t know at first. You told me so many things that turned out to be lies about her. About your situation. She left you and she’s my friend now after all this. We have helped each other heal.

I was never attracted to you. I thought you were ugly. But somehow you weaselled your way in with your fake character. You begged me to meet you. Told me you loved me.

You were never a victim. You stole from your family, used and lied, cheated and hurt without a second thought. But you think you are the victim.

I went to you as a friend to help you and you hurt me physically. Took what I wasn’t there to give. I wasn’t there for that. I thought you loved me, so I went along with it. But you were rough and really hurt me. We had a couple of days together then I had to go home. You ghosted me, blocked every single method of communication, and then said it was a test and I failed because I wouldn’t give you space and contacted your ex wife (to figure out some truth). 

I found out during that time, while I was bleeding and suffering infections, covered in bruises and worried about pregnancy and STDs that you were texting your ex wife why she wouldn’t come back home with the kids. And a couple days after that took another woman on holiday to meet your dad. I couldn’t believe your ex. 

We started talking again. I had invested so much in you that I thought I wanted and forgave you. I even apologised to you for speaking to your ex. I thought I was in love with you and that you were with me too but afraid. 

When we met up months later, you kissed me. We had a good day. We slept together. You didn’t ghost me but you were cold and short with me after. Until finally I called you out on all your lies about other women and your betrayals. The awful things you said and offered to be friends with benefits but you would still be looking for a relationship.

We fought. I saw you went on dates with other women that we talked about doing together. That you travelled to meet them, took them on expensive trips and experiences. Dates, hiking. You wouldn’t answer my questions and then you abandoned me entirely when you promised me you wouldn’t again. 

You have nothing to offer anyone. No firsts only lasts. And last firsts. I would never let you come back into my life again. You hurt me in every way possible while I was trying to save you. And in the process we can never be each other’s last first. 

I haven’t moved on in a year. I know you have been. In spite of your ugliness, you find women who are kind and want to help you. Then you take what you want and leave them trying to figure out what happened.

I know I deserve better. But I still cry over you. I still wish you would call and admit all the horrible things you did, the gaslighting and manipulation. I wish you would say how sorry you were and how you regret the things you did, how you broke us and what we could have had. But that can’t happen because you are a community dildo and an abuser.

But that person you pretended to be wasn’t real. It wasn’t you. It was an act to get sex and other benefits. And I know that you being out of my life is the best thing for me. 

I also want you to know just how bad you are in bed. I am fantastic and never had a problem climaxing with others multiple times. You are terrible. I faked it. So you would finish. And you believed it because of some things you said afterwards in anger. 

Your mouth smells worse than a dump and your teeth look like you’ve been kicked in the mouth. Your back is covered in blackheads and skin is clogged. You have no pride hygiene nor do you keep your surroundings clean. Except your dick, you are very pedantic about cleaning that. You look 20 years older than what you are and you are visibly balding. Skinny but soft in the middle. Mutton dressed as lamb. Turkey necked. 

You are an embarrassment to be seen with and associated. I would be ashamed to introduce you to colleagues, friends and family.

There is something very wrong with me. I still don’t understand why you did the things you did. I was kind and loving, I was supportive. You destroyed my self esteem and confidence.

I was happy and whole before I met you.