Dear G, when we first talked you were trying to get with me and start talking and whatnot but I didn’t like you like that because I knew how you were and that you were talking to other girls. When we first met in person was in highschool and I was honestly a bad kid, I would talk back, talk to other guys, but you changed that. We would talk as friends and then stop talking and then start again vice versa but then we actually started talking on my birthday and at the time I was on a trip with my friend so I didn’t think much of it. We only had 1 class q which was lunch, so we started talking in person and then I started going to the library with you and your 2 friends and it was cool and I had fun talking with everyone. Then you would ask me to just go by ourselves to the library and when we did we would just talk and it wasn’t as friends anymore. We started getting close and thats when we started dating.

When we started dating it was near Halloween and I remember we went to the library with your friends and we played games, talked, laughed, and we had so much fun and then we took a picture together and I sent it to my mom bc she had already knew about you and wanted to see what you look like. She liked you a lot and most of my family did too and the crazy part is that I was so busy saying all the good things about you and how happy you made me, that I didn’t think of how you actually blindsided me and made me think I was the only one.

I had gotten my phone taken so you gave me your backup phone and it was all good, I loved being on the phone with you late at night, talking about random things, things at school, and whatever. We had so much fun.

Near Thanksgiving, I had noticed that we were arguing a lot and we were being really distant with each other. And I had also found out that you were talking to someone else. Personally I’m not the type of person who confronts their s\o about cheating, which I should be and it’s what I should’ve done, but I did the same thing to get even I guess. I regret it so much. I started talking to a guy that I used to talk too and we were never good for each other and he was your old friend. While talking to him, I broke up with you. It was honestly the absolute worst decision I could ever do. Me and the other guy were talking and it got more serious to the point I would do whatever for him which in this case, I snuck him over and we did what we did. Worst decision of my life. After that day we stopped talking and I had multiple breakdowns and I thought my life was over. 

A week later I had went to my friend’s house and my friend followed this one girl that I don’t like and she showed me that you and the girl were together, and I was balling my eyes out looking at those pictures. I knew it was my fault we had broken up so I didn’t really know why I was so mad and frustrated about it. 

Then came new years, I followed you on social media and I said I was sorry for what I did, and you forgave me. And I forgave you but deep down I really didn’t. I asked you if you cheated on me and you said no and I thought that I didn’t know if I should believe you but I really knew you did cheat on me and I just didn’t want to believe it. We were friends again and he had broken up with that one girl. 

Fast forward to now, I am still in love with you, you have another gf that I wish was me, and me and you are still talking as friends. We still see each other in the hall!ways and I can tell that you really have moved on, but I just cant. I can’t erase what we did, said, thought, but what I can do is move on, just not now.

I miss you,I miss your scent, I miss the way you looked at me, I miss us holding hands, I miss us kissing, I miss us. But I also hate the lying, the arguments, the dishonesty.
But you are the only one I want and I can’t let that go.
I’m sorry for everything, I hope you come to a realization, I hope your happy, and I hope it’s with me.
-A