Michael, 

I hope you’re doing well. I don’t think you’ll ever come across this but in the event you do-I feel like you’ll kind of know who it’s from lol. I sent you a text stating how sorry I am for ending what we had about five months after our relationship came to a close. It’s now been eight months total and you still pop into my head every now and then. How could you not? 4.5 years is a lot of time to spend with a person. Many memories were made, both good and bad. 

I am sorry for being the toxic one in the relationship, I don’t know if you’ve realized that yet but I hope you have. Sure, there were some unhealthy behaviors on your end too but to be honest they were minuscule compared to mine. You were such a wonderful boyfriend. Always made me feel so loved, beautiful, like a princess. We were best friends, we were so comfortable with one another, we really just *got* each other. You did *everything* for me, to the point where I took advantage of you. It turned into me expecting you to do things for me and not *really* appreciating you. If something didn’t go my way, I threw a tantrum…and you put up with it. I was a really, really shitty girlfriend and you didn’t let it phase you. You catered to my every need. 

I would lash out at you for no reason, even during times where you were just trying to help me figure something out…..I wasn’t just toxic, I was abusive. No one deserves to be treated the way I treated you. I manipulated you countless times. 

The main reason for ending our relationship was because I realized this^^. This isn’t okay! It’s horrible that I treated you that way, and for so long! I’m so sorry I broke your heart. You fought for me to not leave when I told you it was time we end things, even to the point of you kind of breaking into my house to leave flowers and a card. It hurt me to see you like that, but it hurt me more to know that you still wanted to remain in an unhealthy relationship. You didn’t see it was unhealthy, because it was all you’ve ever known. You probably thought it was normal.

Please don’t think I didn’t love you, I did. Very much. But if we tried to fix things while still being together, it would’ve gone back to the way things were before. No doubt. I needed to let you go, in hopes you would realize your worth. And in hopes that you’ll realize the way I treated you was incorrect. I appreciate that I was put in the center of your universe, but it turned into dependency. We would flip out if we found out we wouldn’t see each other for a day as we spent 24/7 together pretty much. You stopped seeing your friends, I tried to encourage you to hang out with them but it would only be a rare occasion that you help up your plans with them. You even stopped hanging out with your family. There was wrongdoings on both our ends but I am trying to help you understand that what we were in was not okay anymore. I’m being a bit redundant but that’s really the point of all of this: we had a good relationship overall, but i was making it toxic and you were adding onto it unintentionally. You aren’t the bad guy, I am. 

I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for being a shit person. There’s more I want to write, because there’s so much missing from here, but it would turn into a dissertation so I’ll end it now. I will cherish the good memories we once shared, and am very sorry for the bad ones we encountered. I am very grateful for you. I’m not asking for a pity party, I needed to tell you that I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart for hurting you by breaking things off. 

I wish you the best.