Hey, i know i can’t actually tell you anything i say in this because well, i’m pretty sure i’m blocked on everything, as i did to you, at first. You’re not blocked anymore, on anything actually, you’re unblocked because i have the hope that one day, you’ll feel the way i do and come back, but i know you wont because you made it clear how much you don’t like me.

Anyways, onto what needs to be said. I miss you mars, i miss you so fucking much, like more than i ever have, which makes sense because this time you actually hate me, i think. You were my best friend for 11 months, almost a year, i wanted it to be a year, i wanted you to see me turn 15 and 16 and 17 and so on, i wanted to see you turn 17 and 18 and 19 and so on but you didn’t want that like i did. Instead you wanted aiden and nyk and ren which i get, but you didn’t have to do me like you did, it could’ve been a simple no to my question, you never had to say what you did.

I respect that you don’t wanna be friends but you really hurt me, that may have been the intention, may not have been but you did it, i never hurt you but yk what? you really hurt me. this isn’t to “guilt trip” you or anything its simply me getting out what i need to. but regardless of what you’ve said i still fucking miss you. so much. and yk what? i shouldn’t because after everything you said i still trusted you enough to fucking come to you on Halloween and cried on the phone to you, do yk how many people i’ve done that with? 0, 0 people, but you, i trusted you, i trusted you with my life. You could’ve had a gun to my head and i’d trust you not to shoot me – but now, that’s gone.

I’m not gonna say anything i’ve ever felt about you is gone cuz thats not true but you have lost my trust, made me the bad guy for having issues that you too have/had, i was there always, whenever you needed but i stopped coming to you after halloween because i felt like a burden and clearly i was right based on the last text you sent me. there would’ve been a different last text but i blocked you before i hurt your feelings, cuz thats how much i care, still, through all my emotions, all the anger, the pain, the hurt, i blocked you before my anger took control and turned me into someone you’ve never seen and never will, cuz i cared that much about you that i stopped myself – when you didn’t and you put every thought you had into that text.

And just for you to know, yeah it hurt me, it hurt my fucking core, it hurt me so bad that i’ve lost myself again, i hope that makes you happy mars, knowing you hurt my core and are one of the ten million reasons i’ve lost myself again.