I’m sure you don’t know how you have hurt me. If you knew, I’m sure you would care. If you knew, you would help me through this, if you knew, you would cry too. I imagined pain, but never like this. I knew that in the end I would be the one left, the one hurt. Still I never imagined it like this. People talk of heartache, but what they don’t tell you is that it’s not just a feeling of sadness, it’s a feeling of a heart that hurts, physically hurts, tearing and pressing against the chest wall. I didn’t imagine that the heart could really hurt with such pain, now I find myself lying down, not thinking about you, and all of a sudden a tearing feeling in my chest and a pain in my heart.

My head is telling me everything I know to be true, we weren’t compatible, you weren’t what I wanted, needed, you weren’t ready to give me your heart. Still, the heart cries, tears, hurts, cries for you, for our shared past, for our future, for you, for your smile, for your hugs, kisses, gentle words, cries for the sight of you, for your beauty.

I can no longer find in myself the person who valued herself, who had conditions and demands, I can no longer find a strong person who was shaped by 20 years without love into the self-sufficient strong person I was before I fell for you. You could have me back with a snap of your fingers, my love is not less, but more valuable and intense now that I have lost you.

All the reservations, all the words of those close to me, all my self-respect, I would give everything just for a hug, a kiss, for the chance for you to hold me in your arms again. I am sure the pain would have been worse, but I regret not hugging you, kissing you, holding you, looking into your eyes, caressing you for the last time, even though you broke my heart. I feel and hope that every day will be better, easier, that one day I will wake up and not feel this way.

I love you.