J,
Hi kiddo. I thought long and hard before writing this as I’m supposed to be no contact per the rules of healing. Fuck IT. Just wanted to let you know i dont hate you or wish any ill will. The past is over, please forgive the horrible txt I sent you the day after your birthday. I was extremely hurt to find out about him that way.

Work has been good. I have dropped about 40 lbs since Feb. (not exactly healthy but super effective) Putting the booze down was actually really easy. I have been to all the doctors and made sure there was no lasting damage to liver or kidneys. Everything looks good. I hit the gym 3 days a week religiously and am in better shape then I was coming out of military school!

I hope you understand why I have had to block all forms of communication. The constant thought that you might have some change of heart and call me to reconcile would not have been healthy for me. I know you don’t want me trying to manipulate you so I just had to cut the ties. Please believe that I never consciously tried to pull that. I can’t say I didn’t act from a place of fear but never from malice.

I once told you how sad I was that i missed some of your best years. Do you remember that? Well I can say without a doubt the 5 years we spent together was, in spite of the outcome, time that I am truly honored to have spent with someone as graceful, empathetic, and full of beauty as you are. I will cherish every inside joke we had, every ruined vacation (bahamas) and every little peck / hug. I will regret forever, every time i was to busy to spend 10 more min in bed snuggling, every passionate kiss we didn’t share, and every hug that wasn’t sufficient. Please know I loved you the best I knew how at the time.

So my little tan teddy bear. I release you to live as happy as you can be and I hope what we shared is as special to you as it is to me.

C