No Mas Namaste

No Mas Namaste

No Mas Namaste

C,

For a while there I was trying to be somewhat namaste about this whole thing – to forgive, let go of anger, accept and focus on my own happiness. And for a while I had fooled even myself into believing in it. I was practically patting myself on the back in congratulatory appreciation of my own emotional maturity. But the truth is I was just waiting for the universe to dole out sweet justice. You don’t get to just take someone’s trust, take their heart, take their youth, take their hope, take their optimism and trample it all to shit without repercussions, right?

Someone who promises love, promises future, promises family, promises friendship and a hand in marriage for a lifetime doesn’t get to betray all that like it was all ABSOLUTELY nothing…like it never even happened and get away with it, right? But there you are with you new wife who took my husband, as happy as can be. And I sit here still crying, bitter and unable to open my heart or trust or believe in the fairy tale again and all I can thing is this is so fucking UNFAIR. My thoughts turn to wishes for you and your troll bride that are so very…not namaste. What a gift it is, C, to be able to erase it all and move on blithely as if none of it ever happened? How do I get me some of that delusional pixie dust? How do you go from telling me you love me every single fucking night to not even acknowledging my existence the next day? As if I NEVER EVEN HAPPENED. How? Please, please tell me there is some design to this all or just free me from this vain waiting for a justice that won’t come.

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