I know this is strange. Getting an email from me after years have passed. But I’m leaving soon to continue with my career. And so much of me wanted to just leave and leave it all behind. Leave you behind without a final word. But I couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye to you.

I truly regret the things I said to intentionally hurt you after we went our separate ways. I only said those things because you had hurt me and I wanted you to feel the hurt I felt. It was stupid really and I’m sorry. Those words were empty, with no truth to them.

When it was good, it was great. And when it was bad, it was horrible. That was us. Reckless. Young. We didn’t realize we were setting our own hearts on fire. Digging each other’s graves. I understand now that your feelings for me changed. That you didn’t want to be with me anymore. That you fell out of love with me. And that’s okay. You can’t deny your feelings because feelings are the realest, rawest thing we have. I don’t blame you. I don’t judge you.

Despite my greatest efforts to bury away the memory of us, it always resurfaced. You were my first love. My best friend. My first. And no matter how much I buried it I finally had to accept the truth that I’ve always known- that I will always have love for you and you will always have a place in my heart. And that’s okay with me, because I don’t want to hate you. I could never hate you.

So I wrote this because I don’t want to think back on us with a bad taste in my mouth remembering how badly things ended. I want the memory to bring a smile to my face. Be a fond memory of the first boy I loved. My once best friend. Life is too precious and fragile to have bad endings with the people who have touched your life.

I hope your life is and will be everything you’ve ever longed for and more,

Olivia

P.S. The other day “—” came on the radio. I nearly died of laughter I think- remembering how hilariously goofy you would act when you’d play that dang song. In that moment, I was filled with a joyful and warm memory. These are the things I will remember- all the rest is irrelevant.