I wish I meant something to you.

I wish I meant something to you.

I wish I meant something to you.

J,

I know you’ll never read this but I just want to say that I wish I could change things and go back to the start of you and I. I really wish that I had slowed down and even in the breakup giving you your space but you were just my first glimpse of releif from my life that was a complete whirlwind of domestic violence and drug abuse and the torture I had received from school. You were just the essence of perfect in every single way and even though I dont mean anything to you anymore, I just wish we could’ve been friends and all and I know that it’s my fault that we could.

I didn’t give you your space and I was crazily in love, head over heels. I couldn’t contemplate losing you for one minute, but that minute was up and I was left surrounded by a sky of darkness and eyes filled of tears trying to collect the pieces. I know I also became extremly close to your family and particually to your mum.. But I felt so alone, I needed out of my life at home and needed someone, a family who loved me and your family was the first to treat me as one of their own and not judge me even when I made the worst mistakes.

It took me 12 months to get over you, but know from recenty breaking up with my last ex, The feelings of you just flooded in unexpectedly and I found myself logging into friends accounts just to check your news feed on Facebook and see what you were upto. As I write this song, coincidentally the song “Six degrees of separation” By the Script is on… I played this song all through our breakup. I just wish I didn’t screw up what we had and who we were. Even though you said that it was all you and that you didnt feel it was right, I was shell shocked.  I felt my whole world crumble around me and I didnt know where to go.

I see you all the time hanging with *Shanelle* who used to be one of my close friends and now shes turned against me. When I think about myself compared to you and your massive group of friends I feel like this ugly, psychotic, maniac. For some reason, I still feel like ripping out my hair and planning out how I want to be more perfect for you. When I started doing that after we broke up, I relaised I was loosing myself more then I already did. I just dont know how to tell you im so sorry for whatever I did.I just hope one day we can be friends again and hang out and do things we always said we’d do. Happy 18th J… I really hope you’re doing ok now you’ve forgotten about me.

Love,

Megan

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