To: My “ex,”
I wasn’t gonna go there. But you already did. So now it seems that anything is fair game.
Which is the kind of news that makes this girls night. Because your rude and impersonal attitude gives me just the feeling of justification that I need to write all the things that I hate about you tonight. All the things that are wrong with you. All of the reasons I am glad we broke up and I would be better off without you in my life.
Everyone told her that you were dating out of your league. “He got the better end of the deal” they would said. And she just smiled at their supposed ignorance. But as it turns out she was the ignorant one.
“She’s a keeper,” they said to you. So what did you do? You threw her away like moldy leftovers stumbled upon in the back of the fridge.
Everyone told you to be good to her, so what did you do? You made her believe in fairy tales and then one moment out of the blue you snatched the magic right out from underneath her.
Everyone assumed you were a gentleman. So what did you do? You became a coward.
You sent a single text to do what you should have done face to face.
But it wasn’t just that text that brought on heartache. It was the aftermath. The lies. The silent treatment. The guilt.
If only I had been stronger, less needy, communicated less, more independent, pretended I didn’t care, talked less, served more, given up myself and let him mold me into the girlfriend he wanted.….
Wait a second.
You called me needy, but maybe it was just that you never learned to value communication.
You felt I expected too much but maybe your own behavioral standards are just too low.
You said the temptation was too great, but maybe you are still too immature to possess self-control.
You said you were sorry, but maybe if you let your brain speak over the deafening streams of lovey mumbo jumbo flowing from your mouth, maybe if for one second you could have thought before you spoke, you could have prevented the hurt in the first place.
You decided I am not the one for you, but maybe you are just not ready for any one.
For twenty two months I prayed for you, cried for you, laughed with you, held your hand, hugged you, fought for you, loved you the best I knew how.
You had the best of me and the worst of me. My encouragement, my advice, my apologies and my love. And all of that was not enough.
You rejected me because I had flaws. As if I am the only one.
As if the next girl you deem “good enough to date” (who you finally ask out after months of agonizing waiting) will be a perfect Christian princess, sex god, house wife, low-maintenance, emotion-free dream come true.
I bet she will never text you at 10 PM when you are going to bed like an old man. Or expect you to actually plan a date. Or have a job. Or take the time to talk on the phone once a week. I bet she will be everything you ever wanted, bending to your every whim, selflessly hiding the parts of herself that she knows you “couldn’t handle.”
Until the day she wakes up and realizes that she can do better. Better than a boy who talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk. Better than a boy who wants to date a woman but refuses to act like a man. And then, she will leave you.
With all of the anger.
And all of the questions.
And all of the regret.
It is only then that you will ever come close to understanding how I feel.
I’ve forgiven you. A thousand times I’ve forgiven you.
But my heart can never be the same. You’ve chipped off the first piece, and it can never be replaced no matter how many tears I cry, letters I write, or pictures I shred.
So I hope you enjoy it, that little piece of my heart. Treat it well.
And I ask you to please protect it, since obviously I never could.
Now if you will excuse me, I think it’s time for a haircut.
From: Girl with a Broken Heart