I know it would feel good saying I’ve moved on and I’m happy with someone else but that just isn’t the case. I cant hurt anyone else again and I know I will right now. I know I’ve did too much damage to you and i don’t want to hurt you anymore. I told you that i was going to get in a relationship right away but my heart isn’t ready. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and it seems like i can only hurt the ones i truly love. Being so close, so open and so connected to someone is a beautiful thing. Its such a strain to see all of what we overcame and endured just end…
But I want you to be happy even if it doesn’t involve me, i want you to never forget that. I was selfish and i hope you can see through everything and listen to my words right now. You are one of a kind ******. Truly you are a gift, and anyone who has you in their life i envy. Just remember that if someone cant show you how special you are, I would. You can make the worse day turn into a dream come true with a little smile and a cute giggle. I’m not going to lie to you, I will NEVER as long as i live, regret you. Everything was worth it, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
We both have more in common then i ever realized. Now after such a long time away from you i can see it. We both hurt, we both know what its like to feel not good enough, know what it feels like to feel empty. We both have a past, our lives weren’t just some fairy tale. We both have our good days and our bad.. But together we both showed each other that we truly appreciated each other and were there for each other.
Ive said things and did things that are unforgivable, just don’t ever blame yourself, you have did nothing but help me better myself without worrying about your own emotions and feelings. Ive embarrassed myself and you, i really am sorry ******. all my excuses and bullshit reasoning was all just because i was terrified to lose you. You made me feel so special and so appreciated… I never in a million years expected to be so close to someone so magical and beautiful.. You truly are a queen, you deserve to be spoiled and I had a hard time treating you the way i should have. I tried my hardest, sometimes you don’t really know what you have until its gone.
Life is just too short to be unhappy.
One thing that makes you stand out, you always accepted me for who i was even if i didn’t know who i was. I’m trying to put together the pieces to my puzzle and I’m starting to see that maybe one of the best times in my life is right now. Yesterday i read 93 pages of a book, wrote a 2 and a half page summary and wrote notes on 43 sticky notes. Got a 10/10 on it too. 🙂 Ive been jogging, walking to school, and I am going to the schools Brazilian Jiu-Jitzu club meeting on the 10th. College is crazy, its so much different then i ever expected, but i love it and i know you will too.
I hope your life is going great too, you need to be happy and i know you are. I hope you’re enjoying 11th grade, next year you’ll be a big senior! time flies doesn’t it? Before you know it you will be chasing your dreams, going to college in Maryland to be a hygienist/dermatologist. Some day you will have the nicest house right beside the beach that you paid for. I can only hope for nothing but happiness, good health, and success for you. You are the smartest girl I’ve ever known, so i know for a fact you will go so far. 🙂
Anyways, I hope in the future we can talk. It may be hard to think about, but I’m just thankful for the time and memories we shared and i don’t want to lose that.. When thoughts of our past hit me now instead of getting sad, i get happy. I was the luckiest man in the world and i don’t plan on forgetting it either. No matter what happened/happens i will have a place in my heart for you.
Ive been thinking a lot about that one time we went for a hike after work by the campground, i think it might have been the first time i let you drive my car. We found that crazy tree and it was soo hard for us to get up there. But once we got up we took the best pictures, it might of been the same time that we found the dead snapping turtle and i took one of its claws?? if i could go back i would of just sat in that tree with you for hours, never wanting to give up the moment. 🙂
I guess i never really talked to you about it and i wanted to tell you in person, but i am getting that tattoo i wanted. I decided to get it for my gram so it has real meaning. I picked 2 designs of a bleeding heart flower because the first time i ever saw the flower was in her back yard. each had a butterfly in it so I’m thinking of taking the butterfly out and putting a tree frog instead. I know you both will love the tattoo too, I’m honestly so excited to get it. 🙂
but i guess i should probably end this, I hope this made you smile. Can you just promise me one last thing? Promise me you won’t remember me for my bad choices, remember me for my good. Remember the happiness, the laughs, the adventures, the connection we shared. I swear to you, I’m not a bad guy, i have just made a lot of bad choices. I spent the last 8 and a half months of us being together being loyal because i didn’t want to go back to my old ways. I haven’t either, I want you to know that I’m being more of a man than I’ve ever been before. I love you ****** *****, you were my best friend, my Beebee, my little cutie pie. Our memories might get replaced, forgotten and lost, but some things will stay with us until the day we die. Thank you for not giving up on me, for loving me as much as you did, for choosing me to be your first, and for just being yourself. Aim for the stars chicka. 🙂 <3