If I haven’t said it enough…

If I haven’t said it enough…

If I haven’t said it enough…

LTME-postDear You,
This is my third letter to you on this site. I can’t fucken do this anymore. I drive too work and this is the second Sunday I could swear I saw your car driving in the opposite direction, as if we are crossing paths unknowingly. I worked all day and all i could do is this of you and how much I let my insecurities fuck things up. I left work and watched as my two co-workers made plans too hang out and headed in the car and went on the same route I would take too your house. I loved seeing you after work and now I just go home. I feel lonely and went too look at my ex best friends pageon FB and guess what? He added my ex ex the one bwfore you. This made me angry but relieved he didn’t add you then again if he did meet you I dont think you would do that too me. We had such a good relationship. Ypu were an amazing girl and I just couldn’t stop my head from fucking shit up. If I knew then what I know now none of that shit would of happened. Even though I say we both contributed tpo the demise at the end of the day, I caused you too act like that. I had everything I wanted with you and what kills me was I know I was your everything. You were more attracted too me, had stronger feelings for me, had more in common worh me then any other guy you were with but my insecurities, ocd , anixety and depression refused to let me believe that. Refused too let me believe that about any ex. God knows if you even think of me. Probably have some loser taking my place now. You turned Sundays into hell for me. Every Sunday marks a week from that damn Sunday in September when you left. 9 months down the drain. 9. Why couldn’t you throw me a rope? Why? O would of taken a different medicine and supplements for my disorder. Which i am. I would of gotten back into shape so I felt better about myself. Which I did. We could of compromised, worked things out! Why did you just want too just give up and go? Was it worth it? Are you so much happier without me? I stalk your social media everyday and it looks it even though we both havent found new people, you seem to be having fun. I haven’t heard from you in 5 months. I guess thats a sign. Im trying too just enjoy being single. I dont have close friends and I am not meeting any girls that intrest me like you. I fucken want you. You and only you. Im so grateful that I am not the same man I was but I ache too have you back again. I want too beg. Desperately plea. I want you too call me sheepishly and Ill act all cool and coy and non chalant while on the inside be ecstatic. I would explain and prove too you how I changed, how I can do things right and do it from a place of strength where you’ll respect me and I wont show how desperate I really am. I want you back so bad. I’m miserable without you. Granted I get like this whenever a gorl dumps me so clearly I do have some self worth issues and I sure this is my co-dependency at play. But the other side is geunine. I just miss being with you. I miss talking about politics. I miss our talks on life. I mids cuddling up to you and morning sex. I miss calling each other after having debates in class about republican values. I miss being together. I miss that magical feeling of “meant to be” . I miss the safety and security of having a girlfriend. I miss your whack job family and your ahole friends. I miss that car of yours. I miss the days we skipped class and went on adventures. I miss crying with each other. I miss staring into each others eyes. I miss our passionate sex life. I miss our deep talks. I miss our plans for the future. I miss our jokes. I miss our late night dines. I miss us face timing. I miss us cuddling watching tv. I miss how you would cry at disney movies. I miss how dedicated you were too me. I miss how you would wear that ring and I would go ” babe say it” and you would stick your hand out and say ” my little wing” all cute like a baby too make me smile. I miss your love for country music and all things country. I miss your love for my looks and build. I miss your body. I miss waking up too you in the morning. I miss falling asleep next you at night. I wish you actually got too be the first person in my new car. I wish you were there next too me when my dog died. I wish you were there when I got fired and I wish you were there when I got a new job. I wish you would of been there when I graduate in May. I wish I could of told you how I got my minor suddenly without trying. I miss seeing you after school. I miss when you would show and I would sit on the toliet talking to you. I miss our fights. I miss our make ups. I miss our honesty. I miss our understanding of each other. I miss the passion we had. I miss the connection. I miss saying “lucamada” necklace even though it made no sense. I miss “reminding ” you that you weren’t greek even though you loved that culture. I miss praying together. I miss you cooking for me, I miss cooking for you. I miss your touch. I miss touching you. I miss saying lil bae and you saying big bae. I miss tickling you. I miss being with you. I miss going too the gym together. I miss shopping together. I miss hiking. I miss all the dreams we had. I regret all the stupid shit I did. I miss how you knew it wasn’t me but my mental health issues. I miss how you said you were equipt to handle me. Im sorry i never believed you . Im sorry I questioned you. Im sorry I controlled you. Im sorry I was so insecure. Im sorry i didnt keep my end of the bargain up. Im sorry I judged you. Im sorry I didnt see what I was doing. Im sorry I didnt pay more attention too your needs. I miss spoiling you. I miss you. I miss you so bad. So so bad. I want to die. I hate having to reopen dating apps. I hate having too pretend too be okay. I hate that I dont have you and I have to move on. I hate what I did. I love you, so much. This time last year we just started getting involved and now its a year later and we are strangers with memories. Why did it have to end? I feel selfish because people have had marriages end and they moved on and yet I am pinning over a 9 month relationship. But I know I could of been more. I know I could of done things better. I know I had ample chances too wake up. I guess some people learn the hard way? I guess I should be thankful I learned at all. This was something God wanted me to learn for years. Why couldn’t I of learned this then with someone else? Why did I have too learn that with you. I could compromise with the guy friend thing its just one was basically your ex and one you liked for a little so it was akward and when you offered too get rid of them I should of let it go. I really miss you. I really want another chance. I want ypu back, I don’t want another girl. I want you. I don’t want anyone else. No one interest me. Idk what to do. My mind just ruminates and worries. This fucken ovd and anixety is killer. My depression doesn’t help. At least my self esteem is going up. Im trying too be the best man I can be. Whatever God has planned I guess is best for our favor whether its to be reuinted or for me to find someone new. But If I haven’t said it enough, God I miss you.

2 Comments

  1. justin 1 month ago

    then why do you not call me i ask call me and lets see where we stand ?

    • F 1 month ago

      Because i am a guy and this is to a girl you stupid fuck

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