I never thought I’d admit it. Of course deep down I still care about you. If this were to be something, I’d always promised I would make the absolute most of it. I wouldn’t let anything stop me from fully enjoying what we could have been. That was a past relationship though, and if by some crazy chance this did work out in any sort of way, it would be something completely new. That I know for sure.
If it didn’t we would at least have had our fun and I’d have gotten a break from the hectic life I’ve been living. I hope you know I was serious. With an extreme amount of self control i would behave myself in your presence. If i did chose to visit you, it would be to give myself one of the few things I’ve wanted for a while. To go far from here, if only for a while. (Without the risk of ending up in a bad scene with the wrong people)
I just wanted to put it out there into the world.. I’ve buried my love of you beneath so many years of convincing myself to never fall for you again. Deep down in my heart a part of me will have always wanted us to be more, try harder, and let ourselves truly grow into the amazing people we can and will become, together. We went through the worst of it, and when the best was yet to come I gave up. So if I do this, no strings, no pressure. Just this chance, and that time. You said I wasn’t required to behave myself and that you want to see me happy and successful. I’d love for you to be a part of that someday, but I’m not rushing to get there or getting my hopes up.
If you still love me, let me know. And if you can’t respect where I’m coming from if i decide to do this, or can’t accept that I’ve grown into a new person, and all that comes with that.. Please let me go. I’ll make my mind up soon.. But you could help me with that.. I know we’ll have fun, I’ve missed you terribly. But i have to do what’s best for me at this point.. And honestly an hour of sleep before i clock back in and a nice vacation sometime in the next month or so is all i can think about.
I wish you well.. I wish i could talk to you more.. Get to re-know you better before i make up my mind.