So far it’s been two and half years since we’ve spoken. It feels like forever. I remember when we could talk all day and night with one another… those were some good conversations. I miss them. I miss you, as being my friend my best friend. I don’t know how to categorize my feelings for you or I never really thought about forgetting you. You were my first love, how am I supposed to forget you! I hate you for letting me go! You weren’t supposed to! I’m sorry I pushed you away but we were young and we didn’t know much about “communication” all we knew was what we felt and the feelings I felt with you were and still are unforgettable. I still feel them but it’s not the same because after I feel them it hurts like hell. Because I don’t have you! & it’s feels all to wrong to feel this way because we have both have moved on! I have a new boyfriend and you a new girlfriend… we both are very happy with who we are with now. I know I am. He makes me happy and of course I love him. With everything I have. But yet I still somehow always think about you! Why! I just wanna be able to forget you! I wanna stop feeling like it should be me and you together still! February 27th, 2013 is a day I’ll never forget! Because I’m that day you became mine and I became yours! After being friends for so long, and realizing that you were the one for me the whole time! And you actually felt the same! I remember everything! I remember how nervous you made me, how so freaking hard it was to not smile in .001 second as soon as you looked my way, or how I could feel every butterfly within me when I thought of you! You had my heart in the palm of your hands & I was the happiest girl in the planet to have you as my boyfriend. & when we were together there was no other thing greater than the reality of us being happy together! I remember how nervous the both of us were when we had our first kiss! Or how cheesed you were when I first held your hand! I REMEMBER. To this day! I hate that we moved on! I believe we weren’t supposed to! How was it so easy for you to move on and let all that we have felt for one another to be swept under the rug like dirt! I hate seeing you hold her i hate seeing you kiss her I hate seeing you hold her hand I hate reading statuses about her and you doing the same back! I hate it because that use to be me!!! I hate that is one of my friends! & trust I only pretend to be happy for you…. but really I just wish it was still us. It should still be us! Even though I have a new life and a new relationship and I’m happy I feel like I would’ve been more happier than I am now? & I can’t help but wonder….. do you feel the same? Do you think about the things I do? Do you hide that you miss me deep deep down? That you don’t think that it should’ve been you and me still? My feelings and curiosity aches to know the answer! ….. But that’s my mind living in the past and my mind being in a fake reality! When reality is I am deeply in love with my new life and my new best friend! He ain’t you. Despite missing you I know your still just a boy, you still act the same as you did when I was with you. A soft boy around me and a huge and complete asswhole around your boys.. you still area kid. But there we’re times when you were just the sweetest kindest big hearted boy who was in love with me and now your on to better things. You have a new life just like me and we have both faced the reality of there will never again be a me and you…. and I have to live with it. But god knows I wish you the best in life and hope that you grow up and you treat her right and love her with all your heart and I hope that one day I can truly be happy for you and actually mean it… I will always love you just like I said I would…. I know you will never ever see this is your life but at least I let it out for now.. good bye t-rex.
I still think about you