I wish I never had to see you again, but we have kids

I wish I never had to see you again, but we have kids

I wish I never had to see you again, but we have kids

Dear Sam,

I really, really loved you in the beginning. But I look back now and I realise I should have left years ago. But I kept trying. Kept trying to heal you, to love you, to make you happy and whole. Wanting so much to be loved.

In doing that, I lost a lot of myself. I am only now trying to reclaim that, know who I am again.

In return for my love, my nurturing, my care, my meals, my money, my carrying our children, you totally ruined me and ruined my life.

You could have walked away. You should have before we were even married and for some reason you chose to stay and lie and lie and lie till there was no truth left in anything you said. I wish I had known that. But sadly I did not.

You almost reduced me to dust. I am so fragile now, when once I was strong. I find it all so hard… the parenting alone, the being alone. But to be honest the worst thing is I still have to see you and have you in my life. And not only that… be outwardly gracious for the sake of our children.

Because I hate you. And I can’t say it out loud to the people I think should know what a horrible person you are. Your children. Maybe they will figure it out one day, but I doubt it. You seem to the outside world a mild-mannered man.

I am so angry you have a new partner to lie to and that most of those lies are about what a horrible person I am. That makes me see red and want to punch your face. I never would, but I really would love to. Me, who was so nice. So endlessly lovely and supportive of you and you are happy with someone else. While I struggle on parenting payments and loneliness and childcare.

It’s not really fair is it?

Ava

4 Comments

  1. AJ 8 years ago

    HI Ava,
    I could have written this letter! It sounds exactly like my story.

    Stay strong. Life’s not fair sometimes but I comfort myself with the thought that I maintained my dignity and karma will eventually right the wrongs.

    Take care.

    AJ

  2. Letter To My Ex 8 years ago

    Thanks for your comment AJ. I have exes I never want to see again but I don’t have kids with them. The need to keep that connection and play nice can only mess with your head on a whole new level!

    Ava, lots of hugs. You sound like an amazing person and an amazing mum – keep on keeping on. X

  3. kempy 8 years ago

    I feel for you and know that things can only get better.

  4. sally souter 8 years ago

    I feel your pain. I want to scream out loud how much I hate my ex. He makes my life a living hell and we only get one of them. I know people say that things get better but we broke up 6yrs ago and he still makes my life miserable!!

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