I regret.

Dear My Ex,

It’s been three years since we broke up and I am still in love with you. I thought it would be a long enough interval where we could just be friends. But now you text me all the time, and we’re doing all sorts of fun stuff… and I just wish we were back together again.

See, this would be easy enough if I hadn’t treated you like utter garbage when we broke up. I have felt like the worst person in the world because of what happened. I learned a lot from all that, and have worked hard to be a good person because of it, but I don’t know if that really does you any good. I do think you see it in me now, but you are smart, and cautious, and I know you’re probably waiting to see if I turn bad again.

In my secret heart, I want us to get back together and I can’t help but try to make you want me in that way again. But I feel like if I was really your friend, I’d tell you not to chance it with me again after the wringer I put you through. And that would mean we couldn’t hang out anymore. And I don’t want that. But it might be for the best if I move out of your life altogether. I have to think about that and that might be what happens.

Always, we move together and apart, always I end up back to you. I think you just want friendship, but why do you text me all the time? I want to be on your mind that much. I miss our adventures and want to have more. I miss being your lover and being the important person in your life, and I miss being there for you too. Though I would never say anything, it would surely break my heart to see you date anyone else, even though we’ve both moved on since then. It’s hard that we’re both single right now – this would be more manageable if you had been dating someone else when we reconnected. But then you wouldn’t have had time for me.

I can’t tell this to you. I can’t let you know. But I love you still. I love you so much. I wish I had stayed with you, become your wife, and had your children. No matter what, a part of me will be yours always. My life is good now, and I am happy. But forever, I will regret giving up the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I’ve apologized a thousand times and you’ve forgiven me a thousand times, but again, I am so so so sorry. If all that is holy would grant me another chance with you, I would cherish it, care for you better than myself, treat you with the highest respect, and love you until the day I die.

Thank you for being part of my life. You have changed me for the better. Please be happy.

I love you,


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