I have always been introverted. Always preferred the easy path to dealing with people. When things got complicated I always pushed it outside and just stupidly believed things will solve themselves.

Six months after you broke up with me and tried to contact me, I wasn’t angry at you. Truth be told, I understood why we broke up. When you told me “you’re trying to fix me”, I realized that I was. Instead of treating you like a person, I was trying to treat you like my fantasy of the girl I thought you should be. That’s why I acted like everything was fine. When in a real relationship, couples do have differences and annoyances, etc. Real relationships work it out, sometimes fight, and don’t nod like idiots hoping things will turn out ok. I didn’t like how close you seemed to your ex. I didn’t like other things as well, but instead of talking, I just nodded OK and let the resentment grow.

Six months after, I just realized I couldn’t be the friend you wanted me to be. That guy before was the definition of the pathetic guy in the friend-zone. I just didn’t realize it back when we were together. Instead of trying to explain it to you, I made up some excuse about being angry you haven’t talked to me after so long. I convinced myself it was better that you were angry with me. That hating me would make it easier for you to move on. Truth be told, I wish we had talked. If we had decided to talk, then even if we decided to no longer speak, everything would have been out on the table and maybe it would have been easier for both of us.

In the last two years, I’ve slowly become a different person. I’ve realized that the only good things that come in my life have come by pursuing it. By taking chances. I also realized that having regrets crush you terribly. That’s why I am sending this message.

This isn’t some attempt to be with you or even reignite a friendship. I just thought you deserved the truth. I thought to myself what I would do if one of my friends acted the way I did and I realized how devastated I would feel. I’m sure you have long ago moved on, but hopefully this will close a wound no matter how small. I hope you are doing well and hopefully one day, we can talk about who is the better doctor who again.