Could’ve been…

Could’ve been…

Could’ve been…

First thought that comes to mind: why are you still so hung up on me, let it go, it’s in the past, I said its over, why won’t you move on.

I know… I said I was sorry, but how was I to know you wanted space if you wouldn’t say, you grew cold and silent, distance was our enemy but you left no word, no note just weeks that transcended to months of silence and solitude, ignored of my concern and worry over you, finally you speak, your words fell on me like broken glass, each word razor sharp, pierced my fragile heart…yet you are kind to help me up after I fell to the hard floor of which I feared would disappear beneath me.

your forgiving hand assured me of no grudges. no regrets. we look once more upon what has been. we choose to leave, but as you left I whisper ‘never forget’. 6months…6months your same graceful smile still haunts mine, you run through my mind as quickly as you leave it. tormented by restless dreams over you and what was lost. It made no sense to me but the more you distanced the more I felt non existant, for such little time in your presence the impact was too great for my mind, you hurt me no doubt about that but through the pain I was brought peace, to think, to clarify, to see clearly again. I saw, I’d scared you. This security of me always being there for you I thought would bring you closer, to be comfortable around me, it only pushed you away, you felt enclosed. Like not being able to breathe, or live. Freedom was your key. However you lived your life just as I did mine, so what was stopping you? I question this to myself and to you and I am still unanswered. But I needn’t bother you on burried memories so let it be untold. As if by miracle, a sign you sent for me, a familiar sound, your soft gentle voice is once heard again, shaken my eardrum, and freeze my blood that pumps vigurously through my veins, you extended out a friendship gesture. Just a touch…there is something different, the distance remains but I grasped your attention, what for? a sudden incoherrent gesture to engage my vocals, and involve in virtual company, a slight harmonious tone in both individuals, more in depth and moral coalition from both people, a maturing perhaps? I am torn, knowing if you are deceiving me with an act and that I fall prey to your carnivorus mind. Still you have captured me, i only grow fonder of you again, I only look for the opportunity window to grab your hand with both hand and heart. The spark ignites once more, burning brighter than before but you fail to see the flame and I am on my own again feeling cold in your warmth. Still the mind plays the strings. My emotions, the memories intertwined in my head, forced by integrity to make a choice, both receptors having a voice, the tears flood again once more and I don’t know myself….its repeated…

How do I tell you. That you and I are meant to be…
How do I make you see a life together….
How can I convince you to look at me once more..
How do I free your love into my arms
How can it be that what we thought was a crush was something so much more….
Why was it we had a connection like no other…
Why is it we feel warm in eachothers presence…
Why does our portrayed images incapture our sound dreams.
Why is it only me and you.
Why did I dream of children of our blood.
Why does your name echo in mine.
Why do our worlds shift to eachother in a moment where we are both still and resilient under our breath.
Enchanted by everything we were
Could it be true…?
That we are one split from another life?
my other half?
is it possible…?
I knew we saw something…the eyes, the face, the mind, the heart, the touch something about it drew us ever so close. and since we met my life is all about you.
Id give anything to let you feel how I do about you.
Feel that touch when your words intangle with mine.. A voice that sends shivers through the body and forget reality And replaces a sense of happiness sinking in.
can it only be you…?
Nothing makes me feel like you do nor has it done.
To Search inside, to look close. To look at me, at us. Once more. Would you see, you are everything my life means.
Just that one glance and we both met, do you remember the gaze of a thousand words deafened by the syncronised beat of what could’ve been. To have known that their was something we both was unaware of, something in the way we lived. something in the way we spoke, something in the way we thought, something in the way we looked just a lil something….we were unaware of…..
Love.
Frozen in time not realising we’d gazed at eachother for some while. Pure as the sunlight that had risen to shine through his window and seaped into mine as it set, a feeling of being uplifted from a dark and depressing place. Dazed by his/her being-in person or through imaging, a sudden rush of happiness and a simultaneous smile of contempment, a stumble of a concurrent shyness washes over, both feel it, we both convey it, fate? coincidence? To us it was almost telepathic, a parallel mutual reaction….only to be mistaken for a compliment. Too young to understand and explain we ignore it to what we percept. Only to then realise now what happened all those years ago.
It all became apparent and conclusive, so why would it end on to part ways even though you still hold my heart and yours in mine. Why does it have to be this way?
but… fair enough, you see enough, to know enough, so you say enough and do enough…But is it enough?
You once said their is at least 1 person we are compatible with. Is it possible I am of the 1?
Think about it.
But its only a question.
Again I see everything in you, but you look and see a maze, a puzzle to decipher. But the answer is easy if you look closer. What you find, is for you to decide what to do with it. you are your own mind as am I. I just want you to know. I will always care.

1 Comment

  1. anonymous 1 month ago

    This is beautiful.

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