Dear NS,

You refuse to talk to me or to give me your forgiveness and that hurts so much. I’m sorry the walls around my heart were too hard to break, I’m sorry I couldn’t let you in, I didn’t even know how. You are/were the first man to love me unconditionally and treat me so well and I couldn’t / was unable to give you that love back.

I explained earlier part of the reasons for that, but the whole truth is I was scared to let go, to risk getting hurt. I thought you deserved better than me and I pushed you away and into the arms of another woman. I know you say it took too long for me to realise my true feelings for you and to ask you to give me another chance, but it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d called you only a day or a week later, because you were with her, you gave me no time to miss you or for you to miss me – she was your second choice, your back up plan and there was never a time where I could have begged you to come back to me.

So, you said you 100% still wanted me in your life as a friend and I clung to that, because I miss you and want you in my life and then you went back on that. You have completely wiped me from your life because she told you to. You can’t even reply to me when I ask your forgiveness, you block me, erase all my contacts even all of our memories and photos of our time together, in the process destroying all of my memories. You probably don’t believe this but I cry every night thinking of you and what could have been, only I was too stupid to realise and now she has you and I don’t care how many times she writes that you are happy – your eyes in those photos tell another story and it breaks my heart, just like I broke yours.

I have to try to move on, without you in my life and it is so hard, I miss so much of you, so many things remind me of you and it gets me crying all over again. I can’t even  hear Coldplay/Nickelback without thinking of you.

Please if you see this, read this, let me know somehow that you forgive me? That we can  be friends?

J