Dear Dmitri,

You’ll never read this or know what I’m thinking because since you broke up with me I’ve put on a mask.

You said you were unhappy in our relationship because of long distance, us living in different towns and stopped visiting my house and always expected me to come to yours. I could only afford to come and see you once a month after and I fulfilled my end of the bargain even though money was so tight. I thought it was worth the effort coming all the way to see you. You clearly didn’t feel the same. There were reasons why I didn’t come and stay longer- my driving test, your interviews for higher education, and YOUR NEED FOR ONE WEEKEND TO DO YOUR OWN THING LIKE WORK ON YOUR PROJECTS. I respected our schedules and goals and worked around them.

I was also fine listening to all of your negative crap, about how you hated your job, and wanted to return to higher education in a different country to improve your skills and become an expert in your field. You even projected your dark cloud on me, my career, telling me that I shouldn’t settle for any job– and now that I have one, you still believe I should begin it with dissatisfaction. You putz.

It just took me putting my foot down for you to throw our relationship away. You controlling manipulative freak. One month when I said I wasn’t coming to see you at the exact time you wanted, due to VERY VALID PERSONAL REASONS you told me LIFE WAS TOO SHORT. Gave me a load of crap about how this wasn’t good enough, how seeing each other twice a month wasn’t good enough for you… TWICE A MONTH ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING NEED TO DO YOUR OWN THING YOU SELFISH TWIT. I WANTED WHAT YOU NOW WANTED ALL ALONG!

Then you called and called and called and called asking me to come and see you, ring you, you threatened to drive to my house. But you never did.  Then you want to call me every week? I stupidly answer and act like nothing’s wrong to show you that I am getting on just fine without you. SO MUCH IS WRONG. You set a limit of once a week to call me, it’s like, you don’t want me to be free but want to have all the fun you want to have in the world.

I’ve not been able to eat or sleep properly since you decided to call it quits in March– when I was dying to see you and had planned something so special for when we would finally meet at the start of April, and then to celebrate one year of us being together in May– I can’t believe you only thought of yourself in the relationship. “Whats in this for me?” You took my body, my innocence, my good nature for granted. I allowed you in my home, my bed, wasted so many hours of my life talking to you  everyday and sharing my deepest thoughts and witty quips expressing how much I cared for you and wanted to be there for you all the time.

All you wanted was a girl in your bed to satisfy your physical needs, connecting intellectually just wasn’t enough. HELL I EVEN COOKED YOU MEALS AND ALLOWED YOU TO SIT THERE EXPECTANTLY AND NOT HELP ME OUT. HOW BLINDLY INFATUATED WAS I?

You had the cheek to say I wasn’t doing enough to see you. That I was the one being distant.

You distanced yourself from me, and then complained about not seeing me enough.

The girl you had was a princess who defied her parents’ will to pursue you and be your pillar of support whilst you were finding your feet and dealing with the upheaval going on in your own family.

Well, you web-footed frog, I hope you’re happy beginning your new life at university. You can find a girl or many girls to be with you there, just like how your grandparents met at university.  Clearly the girl who loved you unconditionally WAS JUST NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU.

When you get annoyed I miss your call and you call back the next day and the next just to get through to me- just think about how I feel, knowing you’re only speaking to me to push me away and clear your conscience before you begin your new life.

What you need is a slap on the face and a good solid knee in your balls. I will deliver this to you personally if I ever see you again.


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