Dear Ms. Kitty,

First of all, let me apologize if I was mean when I wrote you last, I was angry, but no more. I could be angry, but I’m not. I live with a heavy heart because even knowing you handled things the wrong way ultimately the fault is mine. i know what i did and though i didn’t fault to what would be many peoples opinions i know how i was and how hard a relationship was with me.

1. I did drugs

2. i was a sarcastic asshole

3. i didnt give you enough attention

4. i got fat

5. i was controlling

6. i joined the marines.

but i thought of you as a best friend being sarcastic and mean and i treated you like my best friend i had sex with rather than what i knew you were to me, you were my queen, my life, the essence of beauty in my eyes the living proof that perfection exists.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.

That was the beauty of meeting you Ms. Kitty, you are my soul mate, the most beautiful yet painful part of my life. i was so lost and i wish i hadn’t been so controlling, immature and macho. Maybe we’d still be together and you would have never strayed away looking for comfort in other men, i should have heeded my first warning but i kept doing the same thing. all i ever wanted though was to love you properly. i foolishly i thought i could impress you by just showing responsibility and passion. I’m sorry for the bad moments that i had you live and i know how to win but i can also lose, and i know i lost you and its painful. i sincerely hope you’re happy with your new life and have no worries about me, i will be in pain but i will be fine but i will always love you with the same intensity.

I wish i could have said this to you face to face, but i see why you’d avoid me.

Maybe we met too early in the road and loved a little too fast. but who wouldn’t. i just got too confident and i felt like only one you could love and that i was the king of your world, but i also wish i knew why you hid the truth, more than the lie it hurts that you are scared i could hurt you. i feel you hid it from me not because you loved me but because you were scared of my reactions but i want you to know that i would never lay a finger on you violently or harass you because i am not one of your crazy exes.

It was 4 painfully blissful years, and i loved you til it hurt, until my lungs felt they were made of iron and it was impossible to breathe, i lived with the trust that you would just snap out of needing time and my heart jumped in Ecstasy when you said we would start a new relationship. I was so ready to make you the happiest girlfriend in the world. I just hope you understand or at least acknowledge what you were and are to me and though i may move on, my doors stay open for you. and all i can have is faith that one day in the future we can find each other after maturing and at least be friends.

With all the love in my heart, I forgive you any wrong ever done because i know its not your intention to hurt me and i know that atleast once you loved me and its beautiful to think about what we had.

truly, truly yours…