To my first love who I still love

To my first love who I still love

To my first love who I still love

To my first love,

The summer of 2011 was where it all began. It was that one night in Augest. We were laying down, looking up at the stars and across the sky flashed a shooting star. With your hand in mind I wished to be yours forever (and you wished the same).

Fast forward 3 months to the night I confessed my love to you. The 10 months following were undoubtfully the best months of my life. From the afternoons at your fathers, laying in bed listening to you play your bass guitar, to the late nights at my mothers tangled in blankets together whispering and giggling about everything and anything… And the lazy days we spent in our PJ’s cooking, watching films and kissing. I could reminisce about these memories forever… And it is a daily struggle not to.

Things ended, as they always do. That whole period of time around the break up was a blur, it’s as if my mind blocked it out. There will always be some mystery around why things ended, but they did. And despite the fact that it’s been 9 months I am still in love with you.

Darling, you were my sunshine, my ball of warmth and peace. The way you made me feel I cannot describe in words. Helping you through daily struggles and those deeper was my pleasure. Knowing I could ease you from pain made me feel so special. Sometimes looking back at certain memories I can feel it. Even if it’s only for a second I can feel it. That warmth and joy flowing through my veins. I could go on and on about my love for you, but it would only further sadden me.

Now, our relationship was in no ways perfect. We were young, immature and naive. At times we treated one another extremely poorly and feelings of resentment followed. Looking back on the silly fights we’d get in drives me mad. I treated you in ways that make me sick to think about, and I know for a fact you feel the same about the ways you’ve treated me. But in a way I am thankful for that. I now know how to suppress my emotions and handle situations in a more mature way, as do you. I now know never to intentionally hurt somebody you love, as I did that a few times too many (as did you). But maybe that’s the beauty of it… We got to spend the best days of our lives together while learning vital lessons from our mistakes.

They say we never forget our first love, and that couldn’t be any more accurate. It’s been quite a while since our last embrace, but both day and night you are in my thoughts. As for your thoughts, I am not sure how often I pop up. I suppose that shouldn’t matter since we are no longer together…

At the end of the day what happened, happened and I am forever grateful for the whirlwind of the 13 months we spent together. You’re at a pivotal time in your life, just having graduated high school and now off to college. You have the best years of your life ahead of you. I am so excited and proud of you my dear and you will go great places.

Thank you for everything. I would not be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. There will always be that spark of hope in my heart that one day you’ll be mine again, but as for now I wish you all the luck in the next stage of your beautiful life. Just please don’t forget the girl you once loved with all of your heart, because she won’t forget you.

1 Comment

  1. Adam 7 years ago

    That was a lovely expression of what you’ve been through, I find it quite relatable to my own personal experience, I hope that one day you find yourself in a position where you find that kind of happiness in a new love, you sound like you deserve it.

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