Hurt does not even begin to describe how I feel.
All I wanted was to love you- but how could I, I didn’t trust you.
All I wanted was to trust you – but how could I, I was betrayed one too many times by you.
All I wanted was to believe in you – but your actions spoke louder than your words.
All I wanted was to be happy with you – but I couldn’t as our whole relationship was built on lies and you being unfaithful.
Do you know what it’s like to feel the pain of betrayal. Yes you do. You know the feeling well, as once upon a time it happened to you. If you know the feeling why would you want anyone else to feel like that. It is the worst feeling in the world. When you give all your heart to one person and they take advantage of your kindness -They lie, they cheat, they manipulate you to believe all of what they say.
In many ways I am sad for you. Sad that you are confused with who you are, sad that you don’t really know what you want in life, sad that you will never truly allow yourself to fall deeply inlove, sad that you didn’t realise what you had in front of you, sad that you will never truly open your heart. I thought I could help you. I wanted to help you – make you feel, but I realised in the end i can’t help you, nor can anyone else. You need to help yourself and WANT to help yourself and do it for you and no one else.
It is the greatest gift to love someone so purely and without conditions. To take them for everything that they are. To love them for all their greatness, as well as all their imperfections. That is what true love is and that is what I gave to you.
Even when you pushed me away – i always held on. When you lied to me – I believed. When you left me for her – I forgave you & took you back. Why? I cannot answer that anymore.
I don’t know how you did it. I don’t know how I believed you- but I did. You have changed the way I look at love & trust.
Now, I’m left to pick up the pieces. I feel numb by what I read that last day we were together.
“I don’t love her”
” I don’t like her”
“I used her to try and get over you”
“I don’t want to get back with her. But I know she will get back with me”
“I don’t love the woman she is” …
Yes, you were correct, this was written in the past. 8th of July 2013. Just days before you came crying back to me. No one changes that quickly. Yes you wrote it in the past but it doesn’t hurt any less. The lack of respect you have for me is out of this world. When I think about it I have a sickening feeling in my chest. How could you say those things about me & if you really felt them why did you continue something you never truly believed in. It’s ok to let things go if they are not right. It is better that way. Why did you come back? Why did you buy me flowers? Why did you write that card? Why did you cry? Why did you come to costa brava? Why did you let me get attached again? Why did you say you wanted to marry me? This is why I was filled with so much rage. – it was selfish act by you. And by you going to Her straight after showed me that you never loved me and everything you said to me and our friends was a lie, one big selfish act.
You will never know the degree of hurt you have brought upon me.
You will never feel the deep sense of disappointment i feel and the deep feeling of betrayal.
You may have thought you had done “nothing this time” but really you were doing it all along.
No man or woman has hurt me like you have.
All i have to say now is…
I hope you find a woman as good as me, that will treat you as well as I treated you, who will love you as much as I loved you, who will challenge you to overcome your fears and hold your hand the whole way, who will let you share your feelings with no judgement, who will let you be you and love you for all your faults as well as everything in between.
Thank you for breaking my heart for the last time and giving me the opportunity to rediscover myself and what I want in life.
You don’t need to write back.
May you find what makes you truly happy one day & never let it go.