I don’t even know why I am writing this. You probably won’t read this, but I feel like I need to.

I am still hurt because of what you did to me many months ago. I always knew you were insecure from the first date we had, but I could not imagine how far it would mess up our relationship (and me for still many months after its end). Your need to impress everybody around you. Your need for me to admire you regardless of your actions. Your need to control me. You could be the most caring and loving person one day, and become the most irritable and arrogant person the following day if things started to get out of your control.

You always thought you did not manage to make me happy, and this was killing you. You unfortunately never realised that the reason I was not happy was coming from your own insecurities. We were both in love, we liked the same things in life and it almost felt like heaven when we were spending time together. We did not even always need to talk: there was this connection between us that were making things so special. But unfortunately, you were not well at that time. You did not have many friends, I was working late, and you were feeling alone. The need you had to impress others became unfortunately stronger, as this was your way to try making new friends. Your insecurities developed more and more, and you started to treat me very badly.

You could not bear seeing me crying, but you could not prevent yourself from saying humiliating things to me, to I think feel superior to me. And it worked. I started to be depressed and inferior because of the way you changed and were treating me. You started to realise you were messing things up, and could not bear what was happening. You started to avoid me, you cheated on me, and you finally broke up through an email to not face the situation. You choose the worst moment to do it. But I still came to see you to hear it from you face to face, and you said you did not want to let me go. And you never wanted to let me go. I did not want either I guess, and you already know why. You were the first person I truly loved. It was not easy to move on, but I had finally did after several difficult months. You contacted me a few times, as did I, but I said I preferred stopping because all the memories were coming back. But you called me six times in a row two weeks ago. I actually saw your calls, but was unsure whether I was willing to answer. And unfortunately, as soon as I called you back, you pushed me away. I don’t even want to know what you would have said if I had answered your calls.

I was very much in love. But I need you to leave me alone, to let me recover and move on in my life. And I hope you will respect this and that I won’t hear back from you. I hope you will be able to work on your issues to start being happy. I wish you well.