I need closure

I need closure

I need closure


It’s a hard to make all my feelings go away, which is the reason I am writing you this letter. I think we need something more to get proper closure and move on. I am writing my thoughts down. I am writing this letter for closure so that this chapter of my life can close and the next one open. I think it is important to do this as bad feelings can remain for months or years after an event if they are not expressed.

 Since getting your text message I have been suffering. Over the past two days I woke up feeling awful and my feelings don’t improve much throughout the day. I feel like I just lost part of myself, but of course I can’t lose something I never had. Letting you go is just like giving up an addictive drug, it hurts, but it must be done. I don’t blame you for this.

My feelings for you were strong and I had so much hope for the future. Even though our relationship was frustrating, I kept hoping that if I was patient and attentive I could find a way to help you experience the joy of a romantic relationship. I understand now that it’s not possible for me to do that for you.

It seems to me that you are not ready for a romantic relationship. I know in most ways you are a mature woman, but when it comes to romantic love you are immature, like a teenage who doesn’t know what to do with her sexual and romantic feelings and finds them embarrassing and uncomfortable. I’m telling you this because I care about you – I don’t want to hurt you, but sometimes growing hurts.

You seemed to be repulsed by my feelings for you. My feelings for you were not disgusting or shameful, they were normal and natural. I think you haven’t experienced happy relationships in the past and perhaps this is one reason romantic relationships are uncomfortable for you. I understand now that this is something that I can’t change about you.

I can imagine you growing old and dying without experiencing the joy of falling in love. Your time on earth is precious and It would be unfortunate if you didn’t experience this happiness. I know you have E and I believe raising children is the most rewarding thing you can do with your life – but things are going to change with her. She’s going to become more independent and find romantic love of her own. If you love her you should let her go and be happy for her. I hope you find romantic love in the future. I would try to be happy for you if you did.

For myself, I want the happiness that comes from being in a romantic relationship. Since this can’t happen with you, I will look for this with another woman. I think you may feel uncomfortable about this. I hope you can let any resentment go and even feel happy for me if I find happiness with another woman.

1 Comment

  1. Lynn 8 years ago

    My heart goes out to you, as I can relate. It’s so sad to think you’ve found someone who talks the talk, but can’t walk the walk, no matter how understanding you are, and all you’d be willing to do to help them heal from their past experiences, (i.e.: counseling). I’ve experienced this with an ACoA ex-boyfriend, who is addicted to being a “caregiver” to his ex-girlfriend’s 9-year old child. (The mother is equally as wacko!) I have absolutely nothing against the child, but he puts her on a pedestal at the cost of everything else in his life. Although he didn’t take me on dates, he plans them with her, lavishes her with expensive jewelry suitable for an adult, and recently blocked her bio-dad from having a relationship with her when he tried to reconnect (the parents were only 18 when they had her); he’s since got married, started his own family, and evidently is trying to step up and include her in his life and allow her to meet her sibling. So sad…this kid’s gonna be fucked up!!!!

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