It’s been 2 years since you’ve changed. Despite all the things you did to me, I still love you so much. I still miss you everyday. I must be crazy to still feel this way, but I can’t do anything because all that’s in my head is the way it used to be. All the things you used to say to me, all the promises we made, all the little things you said we were going to do in a few years time. Where have you gone? I’m still here waiting for you patiently. Do you remember our first kiss? I was so nervous. Everyday I wish I didn’t cling so much to you because it feels like the monstrous things I did changed you in the end. Maybe not but still. If only I handled it better, if only I listened to you, if only…if only I trusted you.
Will you ever come back? I will wait five years like you told me.. but are you going to come back? Maybe it was my mistake to have loved you but it’s not your fault I’m like this. You no longer exist neither on Earth or heaven. You just no longer exist and I don’t know what to do. I miss you so much. I’m growing tired of reminiscing the past you, but yet it’s whats keeping me alive. You were my first love, my everything, the reason I kept going on. I still don’t get why you were hurting so much when I was always there why didn’t you come to me why do you keep it all to yourself I.. was always here. I’m still here for you. I just can’t. I can’t hate you. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You were the best gift I ever got from God because YOU were the only one who knew what I went through, YOU were the only one who knew my deep dark secrets, you were the only one.. who knew me inside out. You knew me but now.. you’re someone else and I can’t change that.
Maybe it’s because I failed you. Maybe that’s why. But I thought our love was strong. I thought you would stay. I should have realized, that you would change, I should have protected myself. Now I’m the only one that’s scarred forever for real. I’m the one that’s left.. I think you forgot all the things you used to say to me and all the things I did for you. I wish you would look back at me just once. Say that all this was a misunderstanding a joke, I don’t care. But it’s not. Right? You just don’t care about me now. I no longer mean a single thing to you. I’m nothing to you now. Probably now I would have nothing to do with you. I’ll never talk, meet or see you ever again. Well that must be it. Bye, my special one, I loved you so much and I’ll still love you for more than a million years. See you in heaven