Ian,

I realize this message probably never find you. I also realize that if you ever find it, it will be many lifetimes from now. But I feel compelled to write it because what you did to me wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right.

You were my first serious relationship, so this is my first heartbreak. We were dating for close to two years (TWO YEARS!!) when you decided to end our relationship in a Facebook message. I couldn’t, and still can’t comprehend why you thought that was ok. There were no extenuating circumstances, you could have easily done it in person or at least had the decency to call me. But apparently you couldn’t face me to do it in person. Coward is the best word that comes to mind. There was no reason for you to take that course of action, there was no big fight or cheating or anything else that may have made it ok for you to do what you did. And you also said that to me in said breakup message, that I did nothing wrong and that you don’t hate me, just that the relationship had run its course. So, on top of all this, not even a week after our breakup I found out that I was pregnant. I tried telling you multiple times, only to have you ignore me. It took my sister getting in contact with you and texting you a picture of my printed test results from the doctor for you to even respond. That was the evening before I went to Planned Parenthood for my abortion appointment.

I can’t say that I’ve been particularly kind to you in the aftermath of all this. I’ve said some mean things, and I’ve pestered you with texts (not often, but enough to piss you off). I’ve done things that the “crazy ex-girlfriend” does. But my defense to that is, what person wouldn’t feel a little crazy after being treated like I have been? I’m so angry. I’m livid. At you, at the situation, and why someone I loved so much treated me the way you did. That I had to go through the emotional roller coaster of choosing to terminate a pregnancy without your emotional support. That you would rather end a relationship than work on it. That you were so cold and detached. That you didn’t think it was worth it to end our relationship in person. That you think closure is ignoring me and instead of explaining why. Part of me feels like you were a con man who tricked me into falling in love with you, that you showed his true colors after the breakup. That makes me angry too. But most of all, what makes me the angriest is that you have not apologized for your actions. I don’t know if you’re sorry, but if you don’t think what you did was wrong, it’s sad that you think it’s ok to treat another human being the way you did.

I realize that every story has two sides. I’m not saying that I am innocent of any wrongdoing, but I still feel like I have been wronged many times over. It just hurts so bad, and makes me feel like I’m so worthless sometimes. Part of me wants you to pay for your selfishness, but what I really want, above everything else, is a heart felt apology. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it. And you tell me that I “need to move on”. Well, baby, it would have been a lot easier for me to move on if you had handled this with a little more grace and maturity, if you had given me the RESPECT and the closure that I DESERVE. In no way did I do ANYTHING to deserve the treatment I have gotten from you.

So, regardless of how you take all of this, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. Writing it has actually been rather therapeutic for me, and it feels good to get all of these thoughts out of my head. I don’t really care what transpires from here–you have nothing to fear from me. What you do with your life is none of my business. But from here on out, I’m a ghost. No more contact, no more anything. Your number is deleted off my phone. I have been avoiding Keene like the plague and I will continue to do so. I just hope that someday you look back this with sadness and embarrassment about the way you’ve conducted yourself. But above all, I hope you never treat another human being like this. There is no question about who is the victim here and who is the monster.

Take care,

Meghan