It may be that we met by chance and, at first, didn’t look beyond one night. But, when I was able to see you in the light of day, I would have waited an eternity for you. Just knowing you were there was enough. Neither time, nor distance mattered; because, when I looked at the sky…. I thought you could see it, too.

I know that it was mostly my behavior that turned you away, and I don’t blame you. I was in no condition to be a good partner. I was drunk most nights and needed medical help to get away from that. Speaking as a friend, you were correct to turn me away.

I have a confused, faulted, emotionally-disturbed worldview. When I faced giving up my true love, I turned to an earlier place. That is, a childhood friend who just brought me a step back toward the hell I sprung from. You must know how much mental torture I can bear, but many people endure far worse circumstances. I have the good fortune of physical safety and a decent, surprisingly kind home for my daughter. I know she will grow up better than I did. As much as he has hurt me, nothing has crushed me as hard as your rejection. You’ve done nothing wrong, but I still hurt every single day.

Ruminating what might have been just keeps breaking my heart. I believe you were the only one, though I grudgingly accept my loss. I guess it was I who was meant to be alone. There will always be a placeholder, but the place by my side belongs to you. I know you don’t want to be there, and it will always hurt–no matter how much time passes or how our lives have changed.

For a short time, however, I had a fire on a cold night. It was warm and bright enough to see, at least in the distance, a beautiful spirit. I made up a story about that spirit and myself. He had dark eyes like me. Time and space meant nothing to us; because together we were beyond it all. That was my dream–not our reality. I thank you for the short-lived hope, and for being in so many of my dreams. It was a time that I will always hold close to my heart. In the context of all I have ever known, you are unique.

I will always love you

eternally and unconditionally,

Morrigan