Please just stop all this nonsense. Stop trying to communicate with me, it has been over 12 months, I have nothing to say to you and I want nothing more to do with you. I have moved on, my life now is better than I have ever imagined. Thank you for walking away from me, it is the best thing you did for me.
I have not replied to any of your attempts to communicate because I am just over it not because I am angry. In the first place, when we met, I was in a terrible place. I was depressed, angry and frustrated with my life. You were in no better shape and we both wanted to be looked after but neither of us had anything to give. I never wanted to do a long distance relationship because I knew I didn’t have it in me at the time. I also knew then that you were not the one.
However, you pushed and insisted that we could make it work and I believed you because I was so weak. In the end, I ploughed all my money into airfares, tiring myself to do the 6-8 hour flight once a month to see you. My work suffered, I was in a new town and had no friends; my fresh start was a nightmare! While it was my choice and I accepted that I did that to myself, you showed no remorse into your part to play in our demise.
For all the flights I made to see you, you only ever flew to see me once and even then you cut it by 2 days giving us essentially 48h together. While you were here, you spent more than half of that time on the phone.
I cooked, cleaned and compromised all my values because I believed that you were my last chance at a relationship at the time but you never appreciated a second of it. I was profoundly depressed, all my friends knew it and they kept telling me to seek medical attention. In the end, I caved and realised that I am not well. When I told you this, you said that it was rubbish and I needed to exercise more, not see a therapist and not go on antidepressants. Primarily because at the time, I had no voice, I believed you. I tired myself out exercising on top of working my hours and flying to and from visiting you in a whole different city! I burnt myself out and to this day I don’t know what for.
Despite all that, it wouldn’t have been so bad had you actually ended things in a respectful manner. You “forgot” to tell me that it was over. Remember that you asshole? You said you needed to take the weekend to think about things and that you will let me know on Monday if you wanted to continue the relationship. 5 days later, that is, 5 nights of anxiety, inability to sleep, eat or function, my boss. My boss that hates my guts sat me down and told me to fly urgently to see you and sort it out otherwise I will be out of a job. Even a compassionless man was more compassionate than you, figure that out you pig!
I then spent $1500 on domestic airfares to fly to see you, you acted as if everything was normal and we never talked about breaking up. To make things worse, you saw how anxiety riddened I was and you still played on it. I had to drag it out of you that you actually thought we broke up the weekend before! Where was I when you decided this? Did it not occur to you to let me know so I could move on?! Then you said “being in a relationship with you is too full on.” I packed my bags straight away and left the second you made it clear, I made no fuss.
Before I went I even made the effort to clarify and you said “I do NOT want to be in a relationship with you”. I then spent more money to catch the first flight out rather than the one I initially booked. To top it off when you were silent before the weekend, I even sent you that fucked up email begging you to tell me what was happening that you said made you angry. Hindsight being what it is; I realised it made you angry because you didn’t know what you wanted from me. You didn’t want me to move on but you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me either.
I spent the next week grieving, I never called or texted eventhough that was all I wanted to do. I went to the GP, started antidepressants and had therapy sessions booked for the week after. I was ready to move on. Did you remember what you did then you asshole? You sent me that god forsaken $600 tea set. The same tea set we saw on holidays that I said I can’t justify buying and we can get it when we finally buy a house together! I mean what did you think I was going to think? I called you up thinking you wanted to make up but no, remember what you said? “Oh no I don’t want to get back together, I just wanted to say think you for the good times!”
You fuckwit, you have no idea how cheap you made me feel like I was some toy that you used to get over your ex girlfriend. Same ex girlfriend you swore black and blue that you were over. See if I wasn’t depressed, I wouldn’t even have gone out with you but my self esteem was so low that I did not see all the warning signs that you were really not over her. You went on and on about how she was a bitch and she hurt you so much but you missed her. You hung out with her parents; you went to visit them regularly and gave them money long past the breakup. You can’t tell me that is the behaviour of a man who is over the ex. Also remember when you said you were going to take me out for brekkie and then you realised your ex loved the particular place I wanted to go to and was likely to be there. Remember what you did? You said you didn’t want brekkie anymore. You were not emotionally available yet you claimed that you were.
You were not over her and now with hindsight, I realise I was nothing more than an emotional buffer to you. I then later find out that you have been intentionally taking her usual route to work on the off chance that you could drive pass her! You’re a piece of work you really are.
You know why you got rejected for the 2 management positions you applied for? It’s because they didn’t want you, they wanted me. I wrote your CV and cover letter, they liked that but you tanked your interview because you didn’t prepare despite all my attempts to coach you. It is also my personal opinion that you are not management material anyway.
No, I’m not just saying that out of spite. If the best job you claimed you ever had was a golf course caddy, you’re not really the most far sighted person are you? You also have limited ability to cope with stress and no insight to that. You do not know where your limits are and that is dangerous, it is not management appropriate. You couldn’t even discuss things that were an issue in our relationship, you cant make eye contact or even stand to be in the same room and that sort of stress is nothing compared to a management role where you constantly have people who are upset to deal with.
In my job, I’m constantly surrounded by highly intelligent and successful people and the one common theme is the higher we climb, the more we realise just how little we know and that we can never know or have it all. You however, get to a certain point and think that you’re a genius. That you are the smartest person on Earth, sorry you poor deluded soul, the world does not work like that. This is why the most you will ever be is a sales consultant, you won’t ever make it to management. You do not have the goods or balls for it.
Anyway, thank you for dumping me, it was the absolute least you could do. The first 6 months post breakup was spent patching my mental health back together. I started antidepressants and going to therapy, my psychologist discharged me 5 months ago saying that I’m fine, just a victim of multiple bad decisions that happened concurrently. Initially I was quite upset that she revoked my crazy license then I reflected on where my life is compared to where it was and she is right, I am good. It’s a funny thing, recovery, the first month into therapy; I woke up one day and heard my own voice. This was followed by the stark realisation that I have not heard this voice for close to a year and a half. I did not realise I had let my mental health slip so far away. Now, I don’t think I can go without being true to myself again.
I think that you knew the only reason I gave you time of day was because I was unwell. If I had been well I wouldn’t even have gone out with you past that first date. Hence your resistance towards me getting treatment. So, I am silent not because I’m angry but because I don’t care about you anymore. I have a great life with loyal friends, a good loving and emotionally available partner, a clear sense of boundaries and my ever dependable inner voice. You do not factor into this life anymore so please stop finding ways to communicate. Yes, I have blocked you on the iphone and set all your emails to go straight to bin. Stop making up new email addresses! Stop harassing my friends as well to get information about what I’m up to. You don’t deserve to know and they know that.
The reason I can’t send you this email is because I know that any attention even negative attention will satisfy your twisted needs. You will think that I still have the hots for you, you really are a pathetic soul. There is life after you and it is a freaking fantastic one!
Goodbye! Have a good life.